In the last issue of the Lighthouse blog we looked at the biblical responsibilities of the husband, in this write up we shall be looking at the covenant responsibilities of the wife.
As a wife you are a crown to your husband, a crown relates to wisdom, a crown encircles the head. Wisdom, in effect, surrounds and protects the mind and bring honor to the “head” of one who has it.
When she is received as God‘s gift, the husband of a godly woman will benefit from God’s wisdom through her. The husband of such a woman will be respected in the society, the woman who cultivates her relationship with God first, then relates appropriately to her husband will powerfully influence him in every area of life.
The importance of wisdom cannot be overemphasized. The Bible has examples of women who through the wisdom of God operating in their lives saved their husbands and household from imminent destruction 1Sam25:1-35
A wise woman knows her roles in the house and she carries out her duties excellently to the glory of God Prov14:1, Prov31:10-31.
Biblical Responsibilities of the wife.
While we are all called to be help to one another, God specifically created the woman as a helpmeet for the man. You are to help your husband carry out his roles as the head of family government and also to help him become what God intended him to be. You are to be his number fan and cheerleader. Your role as a helpmeet is complementary and not competitive.
The needed help is for daily work, procreation and mutual support through companionship. You are to help make the home a safe haven for your family a place where your husband can come back and relax.
The role of the wife as a helper is likened to the role of the Holy Spirit as our divine Helper.
The Scripture says wives are to respect their husbands, when you respect your husband; you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him and esteem him.
It means valuing his opinion, adoring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you and considering his needs.
Some of the primary needs most men have are as follows:
Self confidence in his personhood as a man.
To be listened to.
To be relevant in the affairs of the home.
Meeting these needs is what respecting your husband is all about. As a wife your husband needs you to bolster his confidence in himself, you are to do this by encouraging him, be behind him, believing in him and appreciating every effort he puts into making life easy for you and the children.
He also wants you to listen to him, no matter how wise you may think you are, a word of wisdom from your husband today will save you the pains and sorrows of tomorrow.
You have to make time to be there for him no matter how busy you may be; if you fail to do this he sees it as disrespect to his person.
Your husband wants to be involved in all that is happening in your life, you must show him that he is relevant and needed by you and the children. You must consider his opinion on all issues whether spiritual or physical matters.
Love Titus 2:4
Wives are called to love their husbands. A good description of the kind of love your husband needs is “unconditional acceptance”. In other words accept your husband just as he is –an imperfect person.
Love also means being committed to a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship.
Survey show that sex is one of man’s most important needs –if not the most important. When a wife resist intimacy, (is uninterested, or is only passively interested) her husband may feel rejection. It will cut at his self image, tear at him to the very centre of his Being and create isolation, which is harmful to your marriage.
Your husband’s sexual needs should be more important and higher on your priority list than household chores, projects etc. it means no matter how busy you are save some energy for him, this will help keep you from being selfish and living for your own needs (1Cor7:4-5). Maintaining this focus helps you defeat isolation in your marriage.
Just mention the word submission and many women immediately become angry and even hostile. This is because of the misunderstanding and misconception of the word.
Submission to husband does not mean the wife is inferior to her husband in any way, it does not lead to being used and abused nor does it mean blind obedience on the part of the woman. What does God have in mind? Col3:18-19 and Eph5:22-30 explains it all. Wives are to submit voluntarily to their husbands’ sensitive and loving leadership. Therefore as I voluntarily submit to my husband I am completing him, I am helping him become the man, the husband and the leader God intended him to be. Building oneness in marriage works best when both partners choose to fulfill their responsibilities voluntarily with no pressure and coercion. For your husband to become the Servant-Leader God has commanded him to be, he needs your gracious respect and submission. When he loves you the way he is commanded to, you can more easily submit yourself to that leadership. Submission becomes easy when you do it with an attitude of entrusting yourself to God 1Pt2:23. When you entrust your life to the Father, it is much easier to be the wife of an imperfect man. Particularly when you may have disagreements.
Sisters, submission to your husband is easy if you live a truly submitted life to Christ that is to live in total submission and obedience to the Word of God, knowing that submitting to your imperfect husband is obeying the word of God.
Beloved, the key to having a perfect family government is for each wife to follow God’s plans, know her part and work to fit in with her husband’s responsibilities.
God bless you, as you partner with your husband in running the affairs of your home according to God’s divine plans and purposes for your family.
Remain bless and stay focus you will surely make in marriage the devil not withstanding. The Trinity is on your side and the Hosts of Heaven are at hand to do your biddings.
It is well with you and your family.
The Grace of God over your family will not be frustrated by the enemy in Jesus Most Holy Name.
- The Woman and Her Home (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- Wives Submit Yourselves To Your Own Husband (theharvestprinciple.wordpress.com)
- What Does It Mean to Respect Your Husband? (acordof3strands.wordpress.com)
There are very few husbands today who feel like they do not have enough to do. It is quite the opposite! Our husbands sometimes feel overwhelmed by the enormous tasks and obligations that they are responsible for such as (church, work, home, wives and children). In the midst of all this, it is easy to lose sight of your priorities as a husband. We shall be discussing some vital priorities of a godly husband, which should serve as a quick check list for any one desiring to be a godly husband.
Five Vital Priorities of a Godly Husband.
#1. Love God (Deut 6:5). Being a godly husband begins with being a godly man; being a godly man begins with loving God above all things. Jesus speaking in Mk12:30: “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, and with all your strength”. This is the greatest commandment because God created us first and foremost to be in relationship with Him. It is the foundation of life and foundation of our marriages. If God is not your greatest priority, you have no foundation upon which to build your life and marriage. Loving God above all things means, you seek to cultivate your relationship with Him. This is done primarily by reading His Word, prayer and fellowship with one another. It is important for you to be committed to these things and still have time for your family. Be flexible according to your time constraints and set your expectations accordingly.
#2. Love your Wife (Eph 5:25-29). “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ love the Church and gave Himself for her…” This is a sobering command! Let’s consider the implication critically: The way you love your wife should be a reflection of how Jesus loves the Church. To be more practical about it: Your wife should know what Jesus’ love is like simply by the way you love her. So what was Jesus’ love for the church like? Above all, it was self sacrificing. Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her….Eph5:25. Husbands will love their wives the way Jesus loved the Church; when they live self sacrificing lives in marriage and put their wives’ good ahead of their own. Perhaps one of the most practical steps you could take is simply to ask your wife. “Honey, are there any areas in our marriage where you do not feel like I am loving you? Are there any areas where you feel like I am putting myself ahead of you and your good? These are bold questions to ask! Moreover you should not ask them if you are not willing to hear the suggestions that might come! But if you are serious about loving your wife as Christ loved the Church, you will probably need your wife’s help in order to understand how to love her better. Also, consider seeking out a brother whose marriage you respect and meet together on a regular basis to pray about being a godly husband. God consistently tells us in His Word that relationships and accountability are powerful tools for growth in the Kingdom Eccl4:9-12; Heb10:24-25.
#3. Manage your Family Well (Eph 6:4). Parents are exhorted to bring up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.Deut6:6-7a. Fathers in particular are commanded to instruct their children in the ways of the Lord. “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” Eph6:4. Yes, children are expected to obey their parents Eph6:1-3. But fathers, Paul says, “do not make this difficult for the children!” Godly fathers are not dictators who need to prove their authority by constantly giving orders, commands and making new rules that are difficult to keep! Godly fathers focus on helping their children to understand who the Lord is; they want their children to know that God’s ways are good ways and that His commands are for their good. Since God is the perfect Father, one of the most practical things you can do, is get to know God better. Understand His Character. Know how He responds and relates to His Children. As you grow in your understanding of who God is and how He relates to you, you will grow in your understanding of how you should relate to your children. Seek the counsel of those who have gone ahead of you. Soren Kierkegaard once said, “We have to live life forwards, but can only understand life backwards”. The trick, then, is to find someone whose “backwards” is your “forwards”! Seeking out a godly father for wisdom and advice is invaluable. Jer 6:16 says “Thus says the Lord: Stand in the ways and see, And ask for the old paths, where the good way is, And walk in it; Then you shall find rest for your souls…..”.
#4. Provide for your Family (2Thess3:10-12 & 1Tim5:8). The importance of providing for your family should not be missed: “for even when we were with you, we commanded you this: if anyone will not work, neither shall he eat”. Paul is not talking here of those who earnestly desire work and have been laid off or are struggling to find a job. He is talking about those who are lazy. Providing for your family presents at least two different challenges. Some find their jobs not enjoyable and frustrating, while others choose to let their jobs take a higher priority than their family. One thing you need to recognize is that you are responsible for the upkeep of your family. The Scripture says “if anyone does not provide for his own household, he has denied the faith and he is worse than an unbeliever”. What this means is that you have not only failed to live up to the faith you profess, but you have failed to live up to the code of unbelievers concerning family obligations. The issue is not whether you enjoy the job or not, but whatever job your hands find to do, do it diligently believing God for a better and more rewarding one. Secondly, do not let your job take a higher priority than your family. If you are already doing that, you need to repent. Of course there will always be times when your job demand more of you than at other times, but many men make the mistake of feeding their egos and ambition through their accomplishments at work at the expense of their family and relationship with
#5. Be involved in a Local Church (Heb10:25). Get involved in a good local church that believes in the Bible and teaches it well! Involvement in a local church is not an option for the Christian it is a command. “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching” Heb10:25. This is absolutely essential to the spiritual well being of your family.
In conclusion, as you religiously put your priorities in proper place and order, God Almighty will through the help of the Holy Spirit make you a godly husband and father indeed. God bless you.
- The Badge Of Godly Manhood (samuelatgilgal.wordpress.com)
To cherish your husband is not to treat him like “a breakable plate”, but to treat his successes, his secrets, his self-image, his thoughts, his opinions, and his heart like “a breakable plate” treasuring and caring for the details that make up his person.
Most of us married our husbands because there was something about them that we cherished and admired, but it’s easy for those feelings to fade. Yet, admiring your husband is no less important now than it was the day you got married. In her book Let Me Be a Woman, Elisabeth Elliot explains how wives can revive those feelings of esteem:
“Marriage is no house party; it’s not a college campus or a stimulating political row or an athletic contest, and the man is having been a spellbinding orator or a great halfback somehow does not seem terribly significant anymore. But you ought now and then to remember what he was, to ask yourself what it was, really, that caught your eye. Come now, you will say to yourself, you didn’t marry him because he was a great halfback, did you? No, you married this person. Whatever the inner qualities were that enabled him to do the things he did then are still a part of this person that you go to bed with and eat breakfast with and wrestle over the monthly budget with. He is a person with the same potentials he had when you married him. Your responsibility now is not merely to bat your eyelashes and tell him how wonderful he is (but breathes there a man with soul so dead as not to be cheered by a little of that?) but to appreciate, genuinely and deeply, what he is, to support and encourage and draw out of him those qualities that you originally saw and admired.”
You and I married someone who is more than just a man. He is a person with feelings and a heart that can be broken, with the ability to learn and develop and transform. He is a person who experiences life much deeper than what we can see on the outside. And our husbands are longing for us, as wives, to delve into their inner persons and find out the layers of their souls hiding underneath. As a wife, there is no greater gift I can give than to appreciate my husband, not just for what he does for me, but for who he is.
Learning to Cherish Him
Embracing the man God made your husband to be is not a matter of just tolerating his behavior, but truly valuing the makeup of his personality and the traits he has to offer. Although this skill takes practice and time, these three tips will help you communicate and display admiration for the man who desires to make an impression on you most.
First, stop nagging. In the book of Proverbs, the wisest man on earth, King Solomon, warns men about a nagging wife. Here are several Scriptures that show how draining a “contentious” woman can be:
“The contentions of a wife are a constant dripping” (19:13b).
“It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman” (21:19).
“It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (21:9, 25:24).
“A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike” (27:15).
Get the picture? A nagging wife is hard to live with. While washing breakable plates, you wouldn’t spray it with a pressure washer would you? No, you would wash each piece by hand with a soft cloth and soapy water. Constant nagging is like putting a pressure washer to your husband’s self-worth. When a wife nags, it doesn’t matter what words are coming out of her mouth, most of the time a husband hears, “You’re not good enough. You don’t meet my needs. I would be better off with someone else.” That’s enough to make most men wonder, Why try?
Instead, if you have suggestions for your husband, have patience. Talk to him, but don’t get frustrated and fight. Make your requests and then respect his decisions. 1Pt 3:1-2 calls us wives to have chaste and respectful behavior toward our husbands, so that “even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”
Second, verbalize your appreciation. The book of James reminds us of the power of the tongue:
“If we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!” (3:3-5)
The words you say do make a difference to your husband. Our spouses are easy targets for taking out frustration or being the butt of our jokes. You may think it’s all in good fun, but sometimes “good fun” hurts. Many husbands will shake off biting comments with a macho shrug, and others might take a verbal/physical punch back at you. Either way, you’ve possibly hurt him and didn’t even realize it.
Instead, use words that lift up and encourage. You will see a difference in your husband’s behavior if you do. Talk about him to others in a positive way. Ask him questions about his life, work, hobbies, and friends.
Tell him that you’re proud of him. When he’s honored at work, tell him how valuable he is as an employee, and take pictures. Learn about the work that he does. Let him teach you about the equipment he uses and the people he works with.
It reminds me of the song, “She Believes in Me” by Kenny Rogers, which tells the story of a man who had great dreams and never accomplished any of them. But the focus of the song is not on his failure, but on the faith and support of his loving wife:
And she believes in me; I’ll never know just what she sees in me.
I told her someday if she was my girl, I could change the world with my little songs; I was wrong.
But she has faith in me, and so I go on trying faithfully.
And who knows maybe on some special night, if my song is right
I will find a way, while she waits … while she waits for me! 1
There is no promise that this man will ever accomplish his dreams, but the power of this woman’s support and encouragement is enough to give him hope.
Third, connect with him emotionally. Women have a tendency to connect emotionally through verbal communication, but men can get exhausted from talking. However, there are other ways to connect even when words are never spoken:
Talk with your eyes. With just a look you can tell your husband how much you love him and that you’re proud of him.
Support him with your presence. Be there when he’s honored at banquets and when he makes a home run on the neighborhood softball team.
Make him feel important. Take pictures of that big fish he caught, frame letters and e-mails with kudos from the boss, clear off a shelf for his trophies.
Laugh at his jokes (even when they’re not that funny). At least when he makes a flop, he knows he can count on you to appreciate the effort.
His Most Precious Possession
As a wife, you have been given the opportunity to see the deepest, most tender parts of your husband’s most precious possession—his heart. It’s not easy for a man to expose who he is underneath that tough exterior, but he’s willing to if he can trust you to take care of his heart and not take advantage of it.
An exposed heart is easy to pierce, so we wives must be careful to treat it gently and tenderly, so as not to cause damage. If he feels that he’s an easy target, he’ll shut you out, leaving you distant and alone in your relationship. But if he knows that his soul is safe with you, he’ll share his most intimate longings and desires.
Perhaps your husband has already shut down and closed himself off from you. Maybe you’ve unknowingly trod his tender heart.
The good news is that it’s not too late to open him back up. A wounded heart can heal. If you will start using these tools and have a little patience, eventually you will again have the pleasure of delving into those soulful places that only a wife is privileged to go.
- Weekly Write-Up: Wives and Husbands. (cmcsarchchicago.wordpress.com)
- 3 Keys to a Healthy Marriage (removeyourcape.com)