Whether your marriage is currently the best it has ever been, or it is in need of restoration, these secrets will improve your relationship. Even for troubled marriages, it will take work, but it is possible to breathe new life into a relationship that has grown frail. Often, when the flames of love are growing dim at home women tend to blame their husbands for becoming cold and distant. Women share part of the blame when their husbands pull away from them emotionally. Sometimes, it is the women’s attitudes or behaviors that have caused the men to become frigid. It is not that love has died between them; it is just that the husband has shut down emotionally because of how his wife treats him.
Let’s consider these secrets to a healthier relationship with our husbands with an open heart. And the Light of God will shine into that sickly marriage and it will blossom and bloom again:
Secret #1: Your husband cannot meet all of your emotional needs.
Many times, a husband will pull away from his wife because she puts too many demands on him to meet all of her needs. When he can’t possibly meet her expectations, he feels like a failure and distances himself from her.
Secret #2: Your husband has emotional needs that are just as important as your own needs.
It is also important, to realize that women are not the only ones with emotional needs. Men have many important needs as well. Often, when women feel that their husbands are not meeting their needs, they can become hurtful and unkind toward him. This approach makes most husbands pull away because they do not feel respected (a significant emotional need for men). Women need to realize, that if they were to speak to their best friends the way they often speak to their husbands, they would be without friends.
Secret #3: Most men truly want to make their marriages work.
One thing that women have not realized is that men are often more committed to their marriages than women believe. They do care about their marriages. Many men desire to do whatever it will take to save their marriages. “I think most men, by nature, are very committed to marriage. They want to make their wives happy. They want to keep their family together. They want to do the right thing. I think it’s up to us women, to set a healthier emotional climate in the home to inspire them to remain that committed.”
The bottom line: When both spouses are working together to help the other feel loved, there is no limit to how close the two can be. Shalom.
- The Christian Marriage (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
In the last issue of the Lighthouse blog we looked at the biblical responsibilities of the husband, in this write up we shall be looking at the covenant responsibilities of the wife.
As a wife you are a crown to your husband, a crown relates to wisdom, a crown encircles the head. Wisdom, in effect, surrounds and protects the mind and bring honor to the “head” of one who has it.
When she is received as God‘s gift, the husband of a godly woman will benefit from God’s wisdom through her. The husband of such a woman will be respected in the society, the woman who cultivates her relationship with God first, then relates appropriately to her husband will powerfully influence him in every area of life.
The importance of wisdom cannot be overemphasized. The Bible has examples of women who through the wisdom of God operating in their lives saved their husbands and household from imminent destruction 1Sam25:1-35
A wise woman knows her roles in the house and she carries out her duties excellently to the glory of God Prov14:1, Prov31:10-31.
Biblical Responsibilities of the wife.
While we are all called to be help to one another, God specifically created the woman as a helpmeet for the man. You are to help your husband carry out his roles as the head of family government and also to help him become what God intended him to be. You are to be his number fan and cheerleader. Your role as a helpmeet is complementary and not competitive.
The needed help is for daily work, procreation and mutual support through companionship. You are to help make the home a safe haven for your family a place where your husband can come back and relax.
The role of the wife as a helper is likened to the role of the Holy Spirit as our divine Helper.
The Scripture says wives are to respect their husbands, when you respect your husband; you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him and esteem him.
It means valuing his opinion, adoring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you and considering his needs.
Some of the primary needs most men have are as follows:
Self confidence in his personhood as a man.
To be listened to.
To be relevant in the affairs of the home.
Meeting these needs is what respecting your husband is all about. As a wife your husband needs you to bolster his confidence in himself, you are to do this by encouraging him, be behind him, believing in him and appreciating every effort he puts into making life easy for you and the children.
He also wants you to listen to him, no matter how wise you may think you are, a word of wisdom from your husband today will save you the pains and sorrows of tomorrow.
You have to make time to be there for him no matter how busy you may be; if you fail to do this he sees it as disrespect to his person.
Your husband wants to be involved in all that is happening in your life, you must show him that he is relevant and needed by you and the children. You must consider his opinion on all issues whether spiritual or physical matters.
Love Titus 2:4
Wives are called to love their husbands. A good description of the kind of love your husband needs is “unconditional acceptance”. In other words accept your husband just as he is –an imperfect person.
Love also means being committed to a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship.
Survey show that sex is one of man’s most important needs –if not the most important. When a wife resist intimacy, (is uninterested, or is only passively interested) her husband may feel rejection. It will cut at his self image, tear at him to the very centre of his Being and create isolation, which is harmful to your marriage.
Your husband’s sexual needs should be more important and higher on your priority list than household chores, projects etc. it means no matter how busy you are save some energy for him, this will help keep you from being selfish and living for your own needs (1Cor7:4-5). Maintaining this focus helps you defeat isolation in your marriage.
Just mention the word submission and many women immediately become angry and even hostile. This is because of the misunderstanding and misconception of the word.
Submission to husband does not mean the wife is inferior to her husband in any way, it does not lead to being used and abused nor does it mean blind obedience on the part of the woman. What does God have in mind? Col3:18-19 and Eph5:22-30 explains it all. Wives are to submit voluntarily to their husbands’ sensitive and loving leadership. Therefore as I voluntarily submit to my husband I am completing him, I am helping him become the man, the husband and the leader God intended him to be. Building oneness in marriage works best when both partners choose to fulfill their responsibilities voluntarily with no pressure and coercion. For your husband to become the Servant-Leader God has commanded him to be, he needs your gracious respect and submission. When he loves you the way he is commanded to, you can more easily submit yourself to that leadership. Submission becomes easy when you do it with an attitude of entrusting yourself to God 1Pt2:23. When you entrust your life to the Father, it is much easier to be the wife of an imperfect man. Particularly when you may have disagreements.
Sisters, submission to your husband is easy if you live a truly submitted life to Christ that is to live in total submission and obedience to the Word of God, knowing that submitting to your imperfect husband is obeying the word of God.
Beloved, the key to having a perfect family government is for each wife to follow God’s plans, know her part and work to fit in with her husband’s responsibilities.
God bless you, as you partner with your husband in running the affairs of your home according to God’s divine plans and purposes for your family.
Remain bless and stay focus you will surely make in marriage the devil not withstanding. The Trinity is on your side and the Hosts of Heaven are at hand to do your biddings.
It is well with you and your family.
The Grace of God over your family will not be frustrated by the enemy in Jesus Most Holy Name.
- The Woman and Her Home (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- Wives Submit Yourselves To Your Own Husband (theharvestprinciple.wordpress.com)
- What Does It Mean to Respect Your Husband? (acordof3strands.wordpress.com)
There are very few husbands today who feel like they do not have enough to do. It is quite the opposite! Our husbands sometimes feel overwhelmed by the enormous tasks and obligations that they are responsible for such as (church, work, home, wives and children). In the midst of all this, it is easy to lose sight of your priorities as a husband. We shall be discussing some vital priorities of a godly husband, which should serve as a quick check list for any one desiring to be a godly husband.
Five Vital Priorities of a Godly Husband.
#1. Love God (Deut 6:5). Being a godly husband begins with being a godly man; being a godly man begins with loving God above all things. Jesus speaking in Mk12:30: “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, and with all your strength”. This is the greatest commandment because God created us first and foremost to be in relationship with Him. It is the foundation of life and foundation of our marriages. If God is not your greatest priority, you have no foundation upon which to build your life and marriage. Loving God above all things means, you seek to cultivate your relationship with Him. This is done primarily by reading His Word, prayer and fellowship with one another. It is important for you to be committed to these things and still have time for your family. Be flexible according to your time constraints and set your expectations accordingly.
#2. Love your Wife (Eph 5:25-29). “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ love the Church and gave Himself for her…” This is a sobering command! Let’s consider the implication critically: The way you love your wife should be a reflection of how Jesus loves the Church. To be more practical about it: Your wife should know what Jesus’ love is like simply by the way you love her. So what was Jesus’ love for the church like? Above all, it was self sacrificing. Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her….Eph5:25. Husbands will love their wives the way Jesus loved the Church; when they live self sacrificing lives in marriage and put their wives’ good ahead of their own. Perhaps one of the most practical steps you could take is simply to ask your wife. “Honey, are there any areas in our marriage where you do not feel like I am loving you? Are there any areas where you feel like I am putting myself ahead of you and your good? These are bold questions to ask! Moreover you should not ask them if you are not willing to hear the suggestions that might come! But if you are serious about loving your wife as Christ loved the Church, you will probably need your wife’s help in order to understand how to love her better. Also, consider seeking out a brother whose marriage you respect and meet together on a regular basis to pray about being a godly husband. God consistently tells us in His Word that relationships and accountability are powerful tools for growth in the Kingdom Eccl4:9-12; Heb10:24-25.
#3. Manage your Family Well (Eph 6:4). Parents are exhorted to bring up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.Deut6:6-7a. Fathers in particular are commanded to instruct their children in the ways of the Lord. “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” Eph6:4. Yes, children are expected to obey their parents Eph6:1-3. But fathers, Paul says, “do not make this difficult for the children!” Godly fathers are not dictators who need to prove their authority by constantly giving orders, commands and making new rules that are difficult to keep! Godly fathers focus on helping their children to understand who the Lord is; they want their children to know that God’s ways are good ways and that His commands are for their good. Since God is the perfect Father, one of the most practical things you can do, is get to know God better. Understand His Character. Know how He responds and relates to His Children. As you grow in your understanding of who God is and how He relates to you, you will grow in your understanding of how you should relate to your children. Seek the counsel of those who have gone ahead of you. Soren Kierkegaard once said, “We have to live life forwards, but can only understand life backwards”. The trick, then, is to find someone whose “backwards” is your “forwards”! Seeking out a godly father for wisdom and advice is invaluable. Jer 6:16 says “Thus says the Lord: Stand in the ways and see, And ask for the old paths, where the good way is, And walk in it; Then you shall find rest for your souls…..”.
#4. Provide for your Family (2Thess3:10-12 & 1Tim5:8). The importance of providing for your family should not be missed: “for even when we were with you, we commanded you this: if anyone will not work, neither shall he eat”. Paul is not talking here of those who earnestly desire work and have been laid off or are struggling to find a job. He is talking about those who are lazy. Providing for your family presents at least two different challenges. Some find their jobs not enjoyable and frustrating, while others choose to let their jobs take a higher priority than their family. One thing you need to recognize is that you are responsible for the upkeep of your family. The Scripture says “if anyone does not provide for his own household, he has denied the faith and he is worse than an unbeliever”. What this means is that you have not only failed to live up to the faith you profess, but you have failed to live up to the code of unbelievers concerning family obligations. The issue is not whether you enjoy the job or not, but whatever job your hands find to do, do it diligently believing God for a better and more rewarding one. Secondly, do not let your job take a higher priority than your family. If you are already doing that, you need to repent. Of course there will always be times when your job demand more of you than at other times, but many men make the mistake of feeding their egos and ambition through their accomplishments at work at the expense of their family and relationship with
#5. Be involved in a Local Church (Heb10:25). Get involved in a good local church that believes in the Bible and teaches it well! Involvement in a local church is not an option for the Christian it is a command. “not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching” Heb10:25. This is absolutely essential to the spiritual well being of your family.
In conclusion, as you religiously put your priorities in proper place and order, God Almighty will through the help of the Holy Spirit make you a godly husband and father indeed. God bless you.
- The Badge Of Godly Manhood (samuelatgilgal.wordpress.com)
To cherish your husband is not to treat him like “a breakable plate”, but to treat his successes, his secrets, his self-image, his thoughts, his opinions, and his heart like “a breakable plate” treasuring and caring for the details that make up his person.
Most of us married our husbands because there was something about them that we cherished and admired, but it’s easy for those feelings to fade. Yet, admiring your husband is no less important now than it was the day you got married. In her book Let Me Be a Woman, Elisabeth Elliot explains how wives can revive those feelings of esteem:
“Marriage is no house party; it’s not a college campus or a stimulating political row or an athletic contest, and the man is having been a spellbinding orator or a great halfback somehow does not seem terribly significant anymore. But you ought now and then to remember what he was, to ask yourself what it was, really, that caught your eye. Come now, you will say to yourself, you didn’t marry him because he was a great halfback, did you? No, you married this person. Whatever the inner qualities were that enabled him to do the things he did then are still a part of this person that you go to bed with and eat breakfast with and wrestle over the monthly budget with. He is a person with the same potentials he had when you married him. Your responsibility now is not merely to bat your eyelashes and tell him how wonderful he is (but breathes there a man with soul so dead as not to be cheered by a little of that?) but to appreciate, genuinely and deeply, what he is, to support and encourage and draw out of him those qualities that you originally saw and admired.”
You and I married someone who is more than just a man. He is a person with feelings and a heart that can be broken, with the ability to learn and develop and transform. He is a person who experiences life much deeper than what we can see on the outside. And our husbands are longing for us, as wives, to delve into their inner persons and find out the layers of their souls hiding underneath. As a wife, there is no greater gift I can give than to appreciate my husband, not just for what he does for me, but for who he is.
Learning to Cherish Him
Embracing the man God made your husband to be is not a matter of just tolerating his behavior, but truly valuing the makeup of his personality and the traits he has to offer. Although this skill takes practice and time, these three tips will help you communicate and display admiration for the man who desires to make an impression on you most.
First, stop nagging. In the book of Proverbs, the wisest man on earth, King Solomon, warns men about a nagging wife. Here are several Scriptures that show how draining a “contentious” woman can be:
“The contentions of a wife are a constant dripping” (19:13b).
“It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman” (21:19).
“It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (21:9, 25:24).
“A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike” (27:15).
Get the picture? A nagging wife is hard to live with. While washing breakable plates, you wouldn’t spray it with a pressure washer would you? No, you would wash each piece by hand with a soft cloth and soapy water. Constant nagging is like putting a pressure washer to your husband’s self-worth. When a wife nags, it doesn’t matter what words are coming out of her mouth, most of the time a husband hears, “You’re not good enough. You don’t meet my needs. I would be better off with someone else.” That’s enough to make most men wonder, Why try?
Instead, if you have suggestions for your husband, have patience. Talk to him, but don’t get frustrated and fight. Make your requests and then respect his decisions. 1Pt 3:1-2 calls us wives to have chaste and respectful behavior toward our husbands, so that “even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”
Second, verbalize your appreciation. The book of James reminds us of the power of the tongue:
“If we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire!” (3:3-5)
The words you say do make a difference to your husband. Our spouses are easy targets for taking out frustration or being the butt of our jokes. You may think it’s all in good fun, but sometimes “good fun” hurts. Many husbands will shake off biting comments with a macho shrug, and others might take a verbal/physical punch back at you. Either way, you’ve possibly hurt him and didn’t even realize it.
Instead, use words that lift up and encourage. You will see a difference in your husband’s behavior if you do. Talk about him to others in a positive way. Ask him questions about his life, work, hobbies, and friends.
Tell him that you’re proud of him. When he’s honored at work, tell him how valuable he is as an employee, and take pictures. Learn about the work that he does. Let him teach you about the equipment he uses and the people he works with.
It reminds me of the song, “She Believes in Me” by Kenny Rogers, which tells the story of a man who had great dreams and never accomplished any of them. But the focus of the song is not on his failure, but on the faith and support of his loving wife:
And she believes in me; I’ll never know just what she sees in me.
I told her someday if she was my girl, I could change the world with my little songs; I was wrong.
But she has faith in me, and so I go on trying faithfully.
And who knows maybe on some special night, if my song is right
I will find a way, while she waits … while she waits for me! 1
There is no promise that this man will ever accomplish his dreams, but the power of this woman’s support and encouragement is enough to give him hope.
Third, connect with him emotionally. Women have a tendency to connect emotionally through verbal communication, but men can get exhausted from talking. However, there are other ways to connect even when words are never spoken:
Talk with your eyes. With just a look you can tell your husband how much you love him and that you’re proud of him.
Support him with your presence. Be there when he’s honored at banquets and when he makes a home run on the neighborhood softball team.
Make him feel important. Take pictures of that big fish he caught, frame letters and e-mails with kudos from the boss, clear off a shelf for his trophies.
Laugh at his jokes (even when they’re not that funny). At least when he makes a flop, he knows he can count on you to appreciate the effort.
His Most Precious Possession
As a wife, you have been given the opportunity to see the deepest, most tender parts of your husband’s most precious possession—his heart. It’s not easy for a man to expose who he is underneath that tough exterior, but he’s willing to if he can trust you to take care of his heart and not take advantage of it.
An exposed heart is easy to pierce, so we wives must be careful to treat it gently and tenderly, so as not to cause damage. If he feels that he’s an easy target, he’ll shut you out, leaving you distant and alone in your relationship. But if he knows that his soul is safe with you, he’ll share his most intimate longings and desires.
Perhaps your husband has already shut down and closed himself off from you. Maybe you’ve unknowingly trod his tender heart.
The good news is that it’s not too late to open him back up. A wounded heart can heal. If you will start using these tools and have a little patience, eventually you will again have the pleasure of delving into those soulful places that only a wife is privileged to go.
- Weekly Write-Up: Wives and Husbands. (cmcsarchchicago.wordpress.com)
- 3 Keys to a Healthy Marriage (removeyourcape.com)
Pro 14:1 “Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands” (AMP).
Pro 12:4 “A virtuous and worthy wife (earnest and strong in character) is a crowning joy to her husband….” (AMP) For you to excel in life and in the family as a homemaker, you need wisdom.
Pro 4:7-9, admonishes us to befriend wisdom, for she will give to our heads a wreath of gracefulness, a crown of beauty and glory will she deliver to us, if we allow her to direct us, she will bring to us profiting in all our endeavors including homemaking.
What is a Home?
A home is a dwelling place, but not every dwelling place is a home. A home is a place where you live, especially with your family. It is your haven; a place you go to for comfort, peace and tranquility. A place of safety, where the hostility happening outside cannot reach you. The difference between a house and a home is the presence of a wise woman. A wise woman transforms her house into a home by her actions; she is the one according to the scriptures that builds the house, transforming it into a home, which becomes a safe place for herself, her loved ones and everyone who comes her way. She turns the mortar and bricks of the house into a home, where love, joy, peace and hospitality can be felt. A woman who allows the wisdom of God to direct her affairs in life is the heartthrob of her husband. She is the Virtuous woman of Proverb 31:10-31. The kingdom of God is a kingdom of choices, God will only advice you, but whatever is your choice, you will receive the reward. The choice is yours, either to be a wise builder or a destroyer Deut30:15-20. In fact, you are a product of the choices you made yesterday. I can hear the Spirit say, choose well today so that you can have a better tomorrow.
How do you build a house and transform it into a home as a wise woman?
Pro24:3-4 “Through skillful and godly wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built and by understanding it is established (on a sound and good foundation). And by knowledge shall all its chambers (of every area) be filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (AMP).
Pro 9:1 “Wisdom has built her house she has hewn out and set her seven (perfect number of) pillars” (AMP).
Let us look at the seven vital pillars for transforming the house into a home.
A. Qualitative Walk with God. Matt 6:33. God desires that you develop your spiritual life in order to be a wise homebuilder. You are to examine your heart condition towards God. If your relationship with your Maker is in order it will reflect in your relationship with your family, that is your husband and children. Without Christ, your life is like a super car without key, you cannot get it started, make it work or use it. You cannot go anywhere with it. A relationship with God is the key to all life situations, including your marriage. God alone possesses the instruction manual for your marriage and that wonderful home you dream of. The first pillar in building that wonderful home you desire and deserve is seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. As you do this diligently, shunning all distractions from within and without, Jesus Himself will see to it that your house is transformed into a home. Decide today to put God first every day of your life, and your life and marriage will never be the same again.
B. Be a Supportive Teammate. Eccl 4:9-12. Your house can only be transformed into a home, if you accept your role as a supportive teammate with your husband. You are to compliment his efforts and not to order him around. You have an important part to play in making your house a safe haven for your loved ones. We women, tend to forget that the success of the marriage depends on us as much as it depends on the man. If we refuse to play out our role in the marriage, what we will have at the end of the day is a “madhouse” where everything is in chaos instead of the blissful home we desired and deserved.
Let us quickly remind ourselves of the roles of husbands and wives:
He is the head, so he is to lead in the marriage and family, before the fall, the man and his wife were doing their things their own way; but after the fall a new order was set in place Gen3:16; Eph5:22-24 and Col3:18. In the same way you submit to the Lord, you are to willingly follow your husband’s leadership. He is to work and provide for his wife and children 1Tim5:8. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church Eph5:25.
She is to help her husband, as wives we are God’s solution to our husbands’ need for a helper and companion. We are to submit to our husbands, this is a non negotiable commandment to wives from God. We must adapt ourselves to our husbands’ leadership and their way of leading. You are expected to respect your husband as a Christian wife, you are to reverence, respect, praise and honor your husband; failure to do this, is a sin in the eyes of God. If you have a good relationship with God carrying out this commandment will be cheap and easy for you. You are to love your husband that is be affectionate, treat your husband in a loving manner, cherish him and enjoy him as your best friend. To build a priceless home, you must follow God’s plan for your life and marriage. Do not postpone your obedience to your roles as a wife or make it conditional to your husband’s fulfillment of his assignment. Do not wait for your husband to change before you perform your roles. Instead of rating our husbands, let us check ourselves and prayerfully ask God to help us make amend where we are lacking in carrying out our roles. No matter who our husbands are, and their spiritual condition our roles still remains: Help; Follow; Respect and Love Your husband’s failures and shortcoming in discharging his duties does not give you the right to sin.
C. A Quality Prayer Life. Lk 18:1-8. Jesus admonished us that we ought to pray and not to faint. How is your prayer life? Most of us leave the praying to our husbands, agreed that they are our spiritual heads, but as their help meet it is also part of our assignment from God to pray for our family. In fact, we are to pray without ceasing 1Thess 5:17. You are the spiritual watchman of that home. The biblical positions of the “watchman” are: on the way of the city; walking about in the city and on the hills and mountain tops. You are to observe closely the activities going on within the house; make your family ready to accept the Lord and be obedient to His word, that is prepare them for eternity; to recognize and confront disorderly or unruly behavior within the home; to report all disobedience to the Spiritual High Priest of your home. Also you are to patrol the borders of your home, watching out for any encroachment of the enemy long before any attack is launched against your home. You can only carry out your duties as a watchman of your home by effective fervent prayer. As a watchman you must be able to hear from the Lord and warn the family Ezk3:17. To put it bluntly, your husband is where he is today by virtue of the amount of time you spent praying for him; the same goes for the state of affairs in your marriage. You cannot enjoy a blissful home standing straight, your knees must be bent in prayers always; because the devil does not like you as long as you do not belong to him, and you can only fight him on your knees. Whether you are engaged in prayers of thanksgiving; praise/worship; supplication; request or petition, your knees must be in a bent position. Let me tell you one secret why you must engage in meaningful prayer time; no matter how difficult your husband is, your prayers to God everyday concerning him, will change him to the kind of man you desire and deserve; and he will find himself doing things for you he never thought he could do. Friends, prayer works faster than nagging, try it and you will not regret it. To raise godly children we need prayers, because our children are likely to mix with some other children with questionable backgrounds in their schools and work places; it is our duty as mothers to pray and our prayers will help mold them in the way of the Lord Gen18:19; 2Tim3:15.
D. A Meaningful Intimacy Song of Sol. 7:1-12. It is God’s idea that sexual intimacy be a holy and confined blessing in marriage; however temporary the excitement of sexual expression may be, its abuse will bring enormous heart break and suffering. Sexual union is reserved for marriage alone Ex 20:14; Pr5:15-20. The bible teaches that sexual intimacy is to be enjoyed regularly so that the couple may avoid temptations 1Cor7:3-5. Sexual intercourse is an intimate expression of affection between husband and wife. In fact the bible says it is a duty the husband and wife own to each other, they are to be available to each other and not to deprive one another except by mutual agreement and only for a short period of time least satan tempts them for lack of self control. Christian couple should never engage in sexual selfishness, and as a Christian wife never use your body as a means of exploiting your husband, whether directly or indirectly. It is a sin, if you practice this shameful act you are not better than the harlot on the street who sells her body for what she can gain from men Pro7:10-21. There are better ways of getting your husband to do things for you than using your body. May the Lord give us understanding.
E. Hospitality Proverbs 31:20. As a Christian wife you must be hospitable. Remember your husband came out of a family. He was raised in a family that includes parents, siblings and other extended relations. You are to show love to them, the fact that the bible says a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, does not mean you are to neglect your parents in law and not respect and show them love. Remember the bible says honor your father and mother. Once you marry, your husband’s parents become your parents, so you must extend to them the same honor and respect you have for your parents. The scriptures tell us that whatsoever you sow you will reap Gal6:7, one day you will become a mother in law and the same treatment you gave to your mother in law will be given to you; I hope you enjoy it when the time comes. Eph5:1-2 advices us to be imitators of God and walk in love; pay evil deeds with good deeds and the Lord will reward you with the desire of your heart which is a blissful marriage and a happy home. Take example from Ruth in the bible Ruth 1:16-17, she respected her mother in law, she was loyal to her; she was a humble and teachable daughter in law. She served her mother in law from her heart and the Lord rewarded her by putting her name in the Book of the genealogy of His Son Jesus Christ Matt1:5. Write your name in gold in the heart of your loved ones by being a daughter in law and a mother in law after God’s Heart.
F. Good Money Management Proverbs 27:23-27. Money management is a sensitive issue in most marriages, but with the wisdom of God, the nightmare surrounding money management in marriage can be turned to a thing of joy. Managing money is an act that only the Holy Spirit can teach. You either manage money or it will manage you. In the book of Proverbs, the Holy Spirit showed us five keys to good money management. As a Christian wife, you are the Chief Accountant of your home, so you must be a skilled money manager in order for your husband to trust you with his money. The reason most husbands are not open to their wives about their true financial position is lack of trust. They do not trust their wives with money; so in order not to go bankrupt they remain close as a clam on money matters; this is not right, there should be absolute openness in marriage. My husband is completely and absolutely open with me concerning his financial position, because he knows that I am for him and not against him; he does not have to hide his cheque book from me, why? Because financially he trust me. If your husband is not opened to you financially, check yourself and the foundation upon which you built your marriage.
Let us consider these five nuggets of good money management from the Scriptures:
(1) Good Accounting System Pr 27:23: How good is your record keeping? Keep a good track of what you own, owe, earn and spend.
(2) Planning Pr 21:5: Have a budget; planning how we spend money is essential to good stewardship. Planned spending brings satisfaction while “impulse buying” can have devastating consequences.
(3) Saving Pr 21:20: If you plan well and spend wisely you should be able to save for the rainy day.
(4) Contentment Pr 15:16: More money is equal to joy and peace of mind. To have plenty of money to spend is very good no doubt, but it is the contentment we have with whatever is in our hands today that brings enjoyment and joy in the Holy Ghost Phil 4:11.
(5) Giving Pr 3:9-10: Honour God with whatever income or resources you have. As a good money manager, you can always squeeze out something from a very tight budget to give to the Lord; it is not in the quantity but in the quality. As you do this, you allow the Lord to reign in your life and begin a divine cycle of blessing for you.
G. Kingdom Service Col3:23-24. Every Christian is to serve the Lord. You are saved to serve, and not to be served. Your service is unto God and not unto man, this is the truth that brings dignity to service, in whatever capacity you are called to serve do it as unto the Lord. As a Christian wife interested in transforming her house to a home, bear the following in mind as you pursue your kingdom service:
Serve those at home first. Never give to others, what you have not first given to those in your home. Your first service is to your husband and children. Jesus speaking in Acts 1:8: we are to be witnesses to Him first in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria before the end of the earth. Your family is your Jerusalem so that is the first place to start your kingdom service.
Serve with your husband’s blessing and support. Before you go into ministry or volunteer to help in any way at the Church ask your husband first. Submit that vision you have to your husband, he is your spiritual head. To go off with the vision without his blessing is to be running around town without a head. If the vision is genuinely from God your husband will support it wholeheartedly, for God is not the Author of confusion, He will defend whatever He authors. When I told my husband about the vision the Lord gave me concerning Family Life and the Newsletter publication; he supported me wholeheartedly and gave me his blessing. In fact he is my Editor in Chief; I do the writing but he still find time from his busy schedule to edit every issue of the newsletter published by us. Because I have the support of my spiritual head it will be difficult for the devil to kill the vision or use the vision to destroy my marriage.
Serve in whatever capacity you can. You are to serve with a grateful heart to the Lord. No service is too menial for you to do for the Lord. You can sweep, sing, evangelise, etc. Whatever your hands and heart leads to do, do as unto the Lord. The Master needs the open hands, the willing feet and the praying heart.
As we put these seven perfect pillars together in their proper place, may the Lord transform our houses into homes where all the Christian graces are available in abundance Gal 5:22-23 May our homes become city of refuge to our loved ones and a place of comfort for all the Lord will bring our way in Jesus Name. Amen.
- Can You Have A Good Marriage Without God’s Wisdom? (yourgodmoments.wordpress.com)
- Homemaking in the 1950s and Now (littleowlski.wordpress.com)
You will probably have heard the story of “The Beauty and the Beast.” A young man who is pampered in his youth becomes increasingly arrogant and demanding as he grows older. Eventually, a wicked witch cast a spell on him transforming him into a beast as a punishment for his arrogance. His only hope for release was to be truly loved by a maiden; a seemingly impossible achievement. In his frustration he demanded to be loved, but his beastly behavior only drives people farther away until he was totally alone and isolated from the world of human beings. A woman saw something of value in the beast and begins to love him. That love transformed him back into a man and not just the man he was before, but a new, changed man. How could she have loved him as fearsome as he was? It’s a mystery, but it illustrates the power of a woman’s love.
Marriage is intended to be redemptive for both men and women. God has given women the privilege and the ability to bring life to our husbands with our love. Women have enormous power with men, which can be use for good or evil.
Consider these three examples from the Scripture:
The power of Delilah with Samson. Samson could take on an army of warriors, but he surrendered to the charms of one woman.
King David, who faced and felled a nine-foot Goliath, yet fell under the spell of Bathsheba. David was so obsessed, he was drawn away from his God into immorality, lies, and ultimately murder.
Solomon, who ruled over the golden years of Israel, but was captivated by the power of women. He became the first man to have seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines as stated in the Scriptures. Incredible!
A woman’s power over men has not lessened since those biblical days. Today, the advertising industry exploits this power in order to sell everything from cars to toothpaste. Magazines, billboards, posters, and store windows use attractive women, seductive women, and blatant sexual images to catch a man’s glance and capture his attention.
Every day men walk away from wives, children, friends, parents, siblings; risking career and reputation. For what? Another woman.
In the Middle East, young men and teenage boys willingly become human bombs, causing endless grief to thousands. For what? The promise of seventy-two beautiful virgins in paradise.
Female attraction can be deadly. But death was not our Designer’s intention. Feminine power was intended to give life. Eve (whose name means Life giver), was designed to complete her Adam, to nurture life in him and to create new life in children.
Many wives do not understand how profound this power is. God has blessed you with a feminine ability that you can use for good in your husband’s life. God has plans for your man. He wants to use you to grow him into a godly man. Your power can meet his loneliness and his companionship needs, affirm his sexual identity, protect him from temptation, and keep him for life.
Meet His Companionship Need
Something is missing in every man. And it’s by divine design. After God created Adam, He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). It’s an amazing truth that the perfect God of the universe created a perfect human being and then declared, “It is not good.” Man was incomplete in the sense that he was lonely. God orchestrated the perfect arrangement for His grand finale of creation: a woman, the “helper suitable for him.” It is still true since “in the beginning” in Genesis, a wife makes a man complete and whole.
Your husband has this same “loneliness” need.
God brought you into his life to be his “helper” to meet his need for a companion. In Christian marriage, this oneness is a unity of mind, body, and soul, and is celebrated through the sexual union.
Lest we women feel somehow superior that we are not needy. We are! We are incomplete without our husbands. We need our husbands to help us become who God designed us to be. Neither the man nor the woman can stand alone; as mentioned above, God’s Word makes it very clear “it is not good that man should be alone.” Women must think as God instructs them to in the Bible about their men, themselves and their marriages.
Of course, now after the fall of mankind, no one is totally complete without the indwelling presence of Jesus Christ. Moreover, perfect completeness cannot occur on earth, we will only attain this in Heaven. But in marriage we can touch the holiness of God; we can recapture a taste of what was lost in the Garden of Eden when a husband and a wife express love, transparency, trust, and sacrifice in the mystery of marital intercourse.
Bless His Sexuality
When God made a man to be attracted to a woman, He had multiple purposes in mind. Adam’s loneliness need was not just for a companion. He needed Eve for the joy of finding pleasure in her total person; body, soul, and spirit and for the affirmation and blessing of his identity as a man that come through her love for him. Gen 2:25 says, “. . . and the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” As a result, every wife has a deep, life-altering responsibility to her husband to be a helper, and help him feel like the man God created him to be. If I love my husband, I won’t view his sexual needs disapprovingly. Since all men are created with a loneliness need, they journey from boyhood into manhood needing to know that their manliness is good and positive. Humanly speaking, this is a question that only his wife should answer a blessing only she should give.
Protect Your Husband from Temptation
You have the power to protect your husband from temptation by making sure his sexual needs are met by you and you alone. Look at it this way: “If you don’t want to do his laundry, your husband can take his clothes to the cleaners. If you decide you don’t want to cook anymore for him, he can go out to any number of great restaurants to eat. But if your husband isn’t getting his sexual needs met at home with you, and he goes somewhere else, God calls that a sin.” Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. If your husband sins in this way, he’s responsible before God. But at the same time, understand that you play a powerful role in helping him not to yield to temptation. God created us as men and women with overwhelmingly inbuilt differences. If you love him, you’ll want to protect him from the limitless temptations that the enemy of his soul floats by him day after day. You are most powerful as a wife when you become a student of what your husband likes and then use that knowledge and your feminine skill to protect him from temptation and sin.
Keep Him for Life
When we stated our vows at the wedding altar, most of us repeated the words “to have and to hold” and “till death do us part.” We signed up for life. But have you ever thought about what it means to “have” and “hold” your husband?
To have implies a possession. It means he belongs to you and no one else. He is your responsibility, and you are his. Are you fulfilling your sexual responsibility? For frequency? Creativity? Have you turned him down more often than you have invited his love? Do you put his needs before or after those of your children or your work?
To hold means to keep or bond, much like a magnet. A magnet has the power within to pull another polar opposite to itself. My husband and I are virtual opposites in nearly every way. It’s what attracted us to each other in the first place. But I must continue to be a magnet in his life if I am to keep him. Too many women would love to have him if I let him leave home for work or travel constantly in a state of sexual deprivation. 1Cor 7:5 (NKJV) tells us, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to . . . prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
This may come as no surprise to you, but most men want—really want—their wives to passionately desire them. And when you express sexual longing for him—whether verbally or nonverbally—your husband is unlikely to refuse your magnetic power. The more a wife affirms her husband’s God-given manhood, the more she helps build him into the man God wants him to be. This power of a wife to affirm him, bless him, protect him, and keep him is blessed by God. It is a very good, nurturing, life-giving gift. Knowing this, I’ve often wondered why we women don’t want or choose to use our God-given powers to affirm and nurture our husbands more often.
This power you and I have as wives is blessed by God. It is a very good, life-giving thing. The question remains: What will you do about this power you possess? Are you going to put it to death, bury it, deny it, or will you choose to exercise your sexual power to create a soul-satisfying confidence in your man?
May the Lord give you the wisdom and understanding to use your feminine power positively to the glory of God. Amen.
- Biblical Women in God’s Design for Mankind. (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- Christian Couples- Unity of Place of Worship (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- Husbands and Wives (jemtree.wordpress.com)