I love him
I want him to be my first
He’s waited long enough
I don’t want to lose him
I love her
We’ve been going out for a long time
I have needs
It’s time we took our relationship to the next level
Sweetheart, those are all some pretty good reasons to have sex, aren’t they? But to go along with these carefully thought out reasons, will mean ruining your marital destiny and, building your marital life on a faulty foundation Heb 13:4; Ps 11:3.
Consider the following reasons why pre marital sex is a taboo.
You’re going to get hurt
No matter how you look at it, even when you have good reasons to do it, premarital sex hurts…a lot. If you are a guy, you might think it’s just the girl who gets hurt, but you’re only partly right. The girl will get hurt, because she has this uncontrollable tendency to attach her heart to any guy she gives her body to, unless she’s already been made cold-hearted from the pain of offering her body to be used so many times that she doesn’t care anymore. But as a guy, you will get hurt too. By indulging in non-committed sensual pleasures, you will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of comparisons that will harass your thoughts and make you unable to be content in your most valuable future earthly relationship (your marriage). The guilt you’ll have (and there is always guilt eventually) will eat you up so badly that you will be a target for addictions or avoidance that will prevent any true intimacy in this life.
Your future is going to get messed up.
You already know that teens get pregnant, teens get abortions, and teens get STD’s. Those are all ways that your life can get messed up now and stay that way for a long time.
God is going to get pushed out of your life.
There’s no way around it. When you are living to please yourself and ignoring God, He isn’t going to force Himself on you. That means that you aren’t going to have His help, His encouragement, His direction, or His awesome plans working out in your life. You might think you’re having fun for awhile, but eventually, living for yourself is going to hurt. You will end up lonely, depressed, hopeless, purposeless, and passionless. That’s because you can’t ignore God for long and enjoy your life. You can try, but you will never be peaceful or satisfied. It is impossible. The Bible says in Romans 8:7, 8, “If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. (NLT)”.
Be wise say NO to premarital sex, it is a destroyer of destiny!
Trying to decide if the person you’re dating is God’s best choice of mate for you but the answer isn’t clear? Determining God’s best is a critical decision, one that requires you put aside your own agenda and desires, in order to consider the most important thing: what is God trying to tell me about this relationship?
Below are some checking list that I believe will help you determine God’s choice of mate for you. Beloved remember, before you expect to find this kind of person you must be this kind of person for someone else. God will not give you His best if you are not already His best for someone else.
Growing up Spiritually. Ask: Does this person seek out God willingly and eagerly on their own? Does he/she rely on me to grow spiritually– read the bible, go to church or does he/she do this already? God’s best will have a growing relationship with Him that is genuine, fresh and intimate in a way that is noticeable for all to see.
Active Prayer Life. Ask: Does this person pray regularly? Does he/she easily pray with me or in front of others? Does he/she talk about their prayer concerns and answered prayer? A marriage without prayer is like a light that hasn’t being plugged in– it’s dark and powerless. God’s best must be conversing with Him on regular basis for direction in life and investing in the lives of others.
Pure. Ask: Is this person determined to wait until marriage to have sex or use my body for his/her own pleasure in any capacity? Does he/she live what they preach? A great “barometer” to a person’s heart is how they control their sexual urges, if they truly love God and want to be obedient to Him, there will be no excuses, playing with fire, or compromises. They will honor God above their fleshy desires and will wait for you.
Teachable. Ask: Does this person ask for help, do they admit when they are wrong and say sorry? Do they seek godly counsel, do they respect God– given authority in their lives and are they repentant and obedient in matters with God? There is no greater security in marriage (especially for women in submitting to their husband) than trusting a mate who is teachable before God and seeking His will above their own.
Honest. Ask: Does this person tell you the truth even when it’s hard, does he/she take responsibility for their actions( own up) when they do something wrong or hurtful, do they twist the truth or minimize it to get out of trouble? Counting on your partner’s word in marriage is vital. He/she shouldn’t be afraid to admit when they mess up.
Whole. Ask: Does this person place their hopes, expectations and emotional needs in God alone? During difficult times do they try to fill up holes with the emotional support of others (especially me)? God’s best knows that it is only God that can give true comfort, hope and security. In times of difficulties and challenges they know how to turn the light on Him for solutions.
Surrendered. Ask: Is this person stubbornly pursuing their plans and goals or do they frequently offer up their lives to God and His plans? If the person you are marrying is living for him/herself, you are not going to have the marriage God intended for you. God’s best will live a life surrendered to His Spirit.
Forgiving. Ask: does this person forgive and get over things easily, is there any area of bitterness or unforgiveness from their past that they have not dealt with? God’s best has a forgiving spirit and he/she recognizes God as being in control of their lives, so they can let go of offenses. This will work in your favor when you have marital conflicts.
If after going through the above check list and you still can’t determine God’s will for the future, then:
Wait – perhaps God is not ready to reveal His plan for your relationship yet.
- Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Stop criticizing others or it will come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven (Lk6:37).
- Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
And how do benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? (Mk8:36).
- Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
And do not sin by letting anger gain control of you. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (Eph4:26).
- At least once a day, try to say something complimentary to your spouse.
Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Pro15:4).
- Never meet without an affectionate welcome.
Kiss me again and again, your love is sweeter than wine (Songs of Sol1:2).
- “For richer or poorer” -rejoice in every moment that God has given you together.
A bowl of soup with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate (Pro15:17).
- If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good, choose your mate.
Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to help them (Pro3:27).
- Do not use faith, the Bible, or God as a hammer.
God did not send His Son to the world to condemn it, but to save it (John3:17)
- If they have breathe in their nostrils, your mate will eventually offend you. Learn to forgive.
The Scriptures warn, if another believer sins, rebuke him; if he repents, forgive him. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and ask forgiveness, forgive him (Lk17:3-4).
- Let love be your guidepost
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and keeps no record of when it has been wronged (1Cor13:4-5).
What does a woman need in a marriage?
Affirmation. Lots of it. Soft, tender, thoughtful, unexpected, meaningful, heartfelt affirmation delivered with no sexual demands attached. That’s difficult for most men. A man usually sets goals and generally acts only when he is after something. When it comes to romance, he’s tempted to give affirmation only because he hopes to “get sex” in return. Husbands would do well to watch Solomon in action. Solomon, by contrast, referred to his wife as “my beloved” forty times in the Song of Solomon. That choice phrase is packed with affirmation. It’s a romantic expression, a call to rich friendship. Each time Solomon said, “My beloved,” his words clothed her with dignity and value. What woman wouldn’t flourish under such a constant stream of loving affirmation?
Here are some nonsexual ways to cherish your bride through words and acts of affirmation. And by the way, the use of these words and actions helps you speak her romantic love language. It’s important to remember that you are not doing these things to get something in return. Perhaps she might reciprocate in your love language back to you, but that’s not your goal.
Are you ready?
Then let’s go:
1. Hug and kiss her every morning before leaving the house. Research indicates that marriages that practice this simple discipline are much healthier than those that don’t. If she’s sleeping, leave her a note, or gently kiss her forehead and whisper, “Have a wonderful day, sweetheart.”
2. Reach across the front seat of the car when you drive and hold her hand, even for a few moments. Allow your fingers to become entwined.
3. Initiate daily prayer with her. This one spiritual discipline has transformed millions of marriages. Make a commitment, and then begin to pray together every day. Ask her to pray for you about a challenge you are facing.
4. Go an entire day without criticizing anything about her. Instead, try to notice her doing something that you really appreciate, and tell her how much you value her.
5. Take her car to the fuel station, fill the tank, vacuum the floor mats, and clean the windows. When you park it at the house, leave a note on the dashboard with just a heart and the words, “Thinking of you.”
6. Write her a short love letter in which you list several ways that she has blessed you this year.
7. Say, “Thank you,” after every meal she serves. Then help her clear the table.
8. Try your hand at making breakfast on Saturday morning. Tell her she deserves a break and should feel free to sleep in.
9. Call her from work and say, “I’ve been thinking of how good it is to have you in my life. Thanks for all that you do for me and our family; and thanks for being there always.”
10. While she studies her face in the mirror, come up behind her and gently kiss the back of her neck. Say, “God broke the mold after He made you. You are so beautiful.”
For some men, the thought of affirming their wives sounds like a lot of work. Others are anxious about being so vulnerable with displays of affirmation. Whatever the reason, they hesitate to step out and pursue the call to love found in Ephesians 5:25.
If you’ve hesitated affirming your bride, or if you’ve been slow to praise her qualities, trust me on this: just do it. Affirming your wife through any three or four of these ideas will do wonders for your romance. Is that too difficult to believe?
You’ll never know unless you try, right?
- Why Being A Romantic Isn’t Hopeless (thoughtcatalog.com)
Whether your marriage is currently the best it has ever been, or it is in need of restoration, these secrets will improve your relationship. Even for troubled marriages, it will take work, but it is possible to breathe new life into a relationship that has grown frail. Often, when the flames of love are growing dim at home women tend to blame their husbands for becoming cold and distant. Women share part of the blame when their husbands pull away from them emotionally. Sometimes, it is the women’s attitudes or behaviors that have caused the men to become frigid. It is not that love has died between them; it is just that the husband has shut down emotionally because of how his wife treats him.
Let’s consider these secrets to a healthier relationship with our husbands with an open heart. And the Light of God will shine into that sickly marriage and it will blossom and bloom again:
Secret #1: Your husband cannot meet all of your emotional needs.
Many times, a husband will pull away from his wife because she puts too many demands on him to meet all of her needs. When he can’t possibly meet her expectations, he feels like a failure and distances himself from her.
Secret #2: Your husband has emotional needs that are just as important as your own needs.
It is also important, to realize that women are not the only ones with emotional needs. Men have many important needs as well. Often, when women feel that their husbands are not meeting their needs, they can become hurtful and unkind toward him. This approach makes most husbands pull away because they do not feel respected (a significant emotional need for men). Women need to realize, that if they were to speak to their best friends the way they often speak to their husbands, they would be without friends.
Secret #3: Most men truly want to make their marriages work.
One thing that women have not realized is that men are often more committed to their marriages than women believe. They do care about their marriages. Many men desire to do whatever it will take to save their marriages. “I think most men, by nature, are very committed to marriage. They want to make their wives happy. They want to keep their family together. They want to do the right thing. I think it’s up to us women, to set a healthier emotional climate in the home to inspire them to remain that committed.”
The bottom line: When both spouses are working together to help the other feel loved, there is no limit to how close the two can be. Shalom.
- The Christian Marriage (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also love the church and gave himself for it”; Eph 5:2. As a husband your primary assignment is to love your wife.
How many of these characteristics of love and romantic gestures do you practice towards your wife every day?
A loving husband is patient with his wife.
He is kind to his wife.
He does not envy his wife.
He does not regard himself to be more worthy than his wife.
He is not arrogant (proud) towards his wife.
He is not self seeking, placing himself above his wife.
He is not rude to his wife.
He is not easily angered towards his wife.
He keeps no record of the wrong doings his wife committed.
A loving husband does not delight in evil.
He rejoices with his wife in the truth.
A loving husband always protects his wife.
He always trust his wife.
He always hopes for the best for his wife.
A loving husband always perseveres, even when his wife is unlovable.
Enjoy pleasing your wife, women need to feel appreciated. Verbal appreciation is essential in the life of a woman. She wants to know that you value her.
Always greet your wife with a hug and kiss that says, that you’re happy to see her and do the same when you leave her, to say you will miss her.
Tell her what you love about her, what makes her special and what you appreciate.
Never compare your wife with other women, not even your mother or sisters.
Do not even show her the mildest form of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship.
The way you act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her.
- The Priorities of a Godly Husband. (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
To all mothers and mothers in waiting your walk with God is very vital to the successful training of your child in the way of the Lord. You can only give what you have and not what you have not Acts3:6. If your walk with God is questionable, then your children’s walk with God will be questionable too. Likeness, if your walk with God is worthy of emulation, your children’s walk with God will make Him proud of you and your children. One vital way of walking with God, is through your fellowship with Him. How strong is your devotion to God? How strong is the cord of relationship binding you with God? As a mother your time with God is very important, irrespective of the fact that you have a busy schedule– especially if you are a working mother. God expects you to have time to be with Him in the midst of your busy and overcrowded time schedule. In fact God wants your best time and not your leftover. You must cultivate a habit of seeking Him first thing in the morning that means as a mother you must rise up early, even though you are the last to go to bed. Prov31:15,18 “she gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and for her servants…..she knows when to buy and sell, and she stays busy until late at night” (Contemporary English Version). As you wake up early at night to lift your household before the Lord, God gives you direction as to how to run the affairs of your home, and also God stays the hands of the evil one over your family. The devil will never have the opportunity to sow tares in the lives of your love ones, as you are always alight in the spirit; spiritually you are on fire. The devil can only sow tares, when you are in sleepy state –physically and spiritually. “How do I cultivate a meaningful relationship with God, how do I stay permanently connected, even in my moments of discouragement and struggles? In order to attempt to answer the above questions, we must start from the very beginning.
Overcoming the Guilt Feeling.
Nothing kills the joy of meeting with God than guilt. Recurring guilt is perhaps the most frequent struggle in our walk with God. We wonder why we do not feel right with God or why we haven’t spent more time with Him or for Him. Most of us have tried, but we have puzzled over what it really should be and we have felt miserable over our failures. The reason why this part of our faith is so troublesome and so hard to grasp is because we do not know what we are pursuing. As mothers we must get past the guilt feeling and pursue after God, strive to know Him on a personal note.
Getting Personal with God.
Surprisingly, most of us live as if God were not a person, most suspect that He exists but never live as if they expect to meet Him face to face/person to person. We claim a personal faith, yet our relationship with God is impersonal. We believe God is Holy, Righteous and Almighty. But these qualities keep us from seeing Him as a person, so God becomes someone we put on a pedestal so far above us that He ceases to be a person. The reason we meet with God is to know Him as personally as possible. This is the mystery of meeting with God. God said in Gen1:26 “let us make man (woman) in our own image, after our likeness….” It is not a flesh and blood image but a personality image—a person with intellect, emotions and will. God provided us with three experiences to help us understand how we are made in His image. Using our intellectual ability help us learn the mind of God, our minds was made so that we could know God. The relationship at this level involves two thinking persons. Hence God said in Isa1:18 “come now, and let us reason (think) together”. In our devotional time with God we bring our thoughts in line with His, thereby rubbing our small minds with His Superior Mind and we come out as superstars. The second experience is expressed in marriage. We learn to use our emotions by loving someone else. In this experience God teaches us that He is an emotional person. Love is a priority for our relationship with God. When you are in love with someone you always crave the presence of that person. Whenever you are around that person, everybody around you knows you are in a relationship with that person. There is a love bond between you too. This is how it should be with us and God. Unfortunately, this is not so for most of us. Your love expression for God is easily expressed and explained by your love for your spouse. If your devotional time with God is boring and a mere act of duty, then check yourself, if you are sincere, you will discover you are having a struggle with your relationship with your spouse. The third experience God gave us is expressed in our obedience to His commands—the use of our will or choices. God is a person of will as we are. To have a personal relationship with God, you need to know and respect His will, just as He knows and respect your will. God gave us a mind to know Him and to bring into harmony with His Mind, a heart to love Him and to bring into harmony with His Heart and a will to obey Him and to bring into harmony with His Will. God made us to be so like Him, so that we could know Him to the fullest of our created ability. In conclusion, we could say according to Dr Dwight Pentecost “what a man truly knows he will love, and what he truly loves, he will serve. This is what being personal with God is all about—knowing, loving and serving. This is what makes devotional time possible.
If it is this simple, why is it so hard for me to be personal with God.
Adam’s sin of disobedience in the Garden of Eden corrupted the perfect image of personality we had with God. Sin erupted that relationship of communing with God in the cool of the day. Since then our ability to know God has been darkened; our love for God has been degraded; and our ability to obey Him disabled. We no longer naturally seek Him. We find it hard to love Him with pure motives and to obey Him becomes difficult. No wonder God doesn’t seem very personal to us anymore. Thank God for the coming of Christ, He restored us back to that fellowship of intimacy with God through His death on the Cross. He reconciled us back to God, so that we can get personal with God again 2Cor5:17-19. God through the atoning death of Jesus Christ changed our corrupted image back to the original image 2Cor3:18. God through Christ gave us back the ability to know, love and serve Him. This is what life as a mother is all about, to know God as deeply as you can and to translate that knowledge into the training of your children. Thereby raising children after God’s heart. This is life eternal, that we as mothers might know Him, as the only true God and Jesus Christ whom He sent (Jn17:3). The knowledge of God is the best possession you can have in life as a mother, for it brings with it joy, delight and contentment. Another obstacle, to our being friends with God comes in the form of barrier of formality. We have been taught to revere God, and God Himself commanded it but He is also our Father and we are a family, He went out of His way to adopt us Rom8:15, so we are to maintain a close familiar relationship with Him. How will you feel as a mother when your child calls you, “Mrs. Your Surname”, rather he calls you mum or mama. Jesus always referred to God as Father. God also wants us to refer to Him as Daddy. In your closet call Him an informal name. In Isa54:5, the bible says, your maker is your husband, so why don’t you call Him some sweet names like Darling, Love of my life, my Sunshine or you can call Him some special names in your local dialect. When you do this you are establishing an intimate relationship with Him. Devotion is all about relationship, the one you have a relationship with, you will always want to be with. We find it difficult to enjoy a time of devotion with Him because we do not have a relationship with Him. Our time of devotion is just a mere act of duty and nothing else. Mothers let us develop an attitude of friendship with our divine Lover and Husband, who is ready and patience enough to listen to all our real and imagined frustrations, and moments of joys we encounter as we raise a godly family that will glorify God. He gave us the husbands and the children, He knows these precious individuals very well, and He alone can help us to understand the workings of their minds. This makes being a wife and a mother, a thing to be cherished, a duty to be carried out with gladness of heart. As we walk with God on a friendly note, we shall enjoy the blessedness of motherhood in Jesus Name. Amen.
A Prayer for Mothers
Most Gracious Heavenly Father ,
I thank you for every mother to whom You have entrusted the care of every precious human life from its very beginning in the womb.
You have given to woman, the capacity of participating with You in the creation of new life. Grant that every woman will come to understand the full meaning of that blessing.
Watch over every mother who is with a child, strengthen her faith in Your Fatherly care and love for her and her unborn baby. Give her courage in times of fear or pain, understanding in times of uncertainty and doubt, and hope in times of trouble. Grant her joy in the birth of her child.
Grant that all mothers may worthily foster the faith of their children, following the examples of the holy women in the Bible who followed Christ. Help mothers to grow daily in knowledge and understanding of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and grant them the wisdom to impart this knowledge faithfully to their children and to all who depend upon them.
For all the mothers in waiting, Father as You answered the cries of women like Sarah, Rachel, Hannah and Elizabeth, grant unto them their heart desires also. Let them also experience the joy of motherhood as they serve You faithfully, trusting in Your undying love and faithfulness. Help them to fulfill their destinies as mothers.
I beseech You to send Your Holy Spirit, the Comforter, to all mothers who sorrow for children that have died, are ill or estranged from their families, or who are in trouble or danger of any kind. Help grieving mothers to rely on Your tender mercy and Fatherly love for all Your children.
I ask your blessing on all those to whom You have entrusted motherhood. May Your Holy Spirit constantly inspire and strengthen them. May all mothers receive YourGrace abundantly in this earthly life, may they look forward to eternal joy in Your Presence in the life to come. As we celebrate Mothers’ day, make the joy of every mother be full. In Jesus Name I pray Amen.
- How do you define “a personal relationship with God”? (themysteryofchrist.wordpress.com)
- God: Friend or Supplier? (bslchicago.wordpress.com)