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Marriage Day

Marriage Day (Photo credit: Fikra)

Whether your marriage is currently the best it has ever been, or it is in need of restoration, these secrets will improve your relationship. Even for troubled marriages, it will take work, but it is possible to breathe new life into a relationship that has grown frail. Often, when the flames of love are growing dim at home women tend to blame their husbands for becoming cold and distant. Women share part of the blame when their husbands pull away from them emotionally. Sometimes, it is the women’s attitudes or behaviors that have caused the men to become frigid. It is not that love has died between them; it is just that the husband has shut down emotionally because of how his wife treats him.

Let’s consider these secrets to a healthier relationship with our husbands with an open heart. And the Light of God will shine into that sickly marriage and it will blossom and bloom again:

Secret #1: Your husband cannot meet all of your emotional needs.

Many times, a husband will pull away from his wife because she puts too many demands on him to meet all of her needs. When he can’t possibly meet her expectations, he feels like a failure and distances himself from her.

Secret #2: Your husband has emotional needs that are just as important as your own needs.

It is also important, to realize that women are not the only ones with emotional needs. Men have many important needs as well. Often, when women feel that their husbands are not meeting their needs, they can become hurtful and unkind toward him. This approach makes most husbands pull away because they do not feel respected (a significant emotional need for men). Women need to realize, that if they were to speak to their best friends the way they often speak to their husbands, they would be without friends.

Secret #3: Most men truly want to make their marriages work.

One thing that women have not realized is that men are often more committed to their marriages than women believe. They do care about their marriages. Many men desire to do whatever it will take to save their marriages. “I think most men, by nature, are very committed to marriage. They want to make their wives happy. They want to keep their family together. They want to do the right thing. I think it’s up to us women, to set a healthier emotional climate in the home to inspire them to remain that committed.”

The bottom line: When both spouses are working together to help the other feel loved, there is no limit to how close the two can be. Shalom.

Few couples like to admit it, but conflict is common to all marriages. I have had my own share of conflict in marriage. I can easily write a book on what not to do!

Take a look at this scenario: Start with two self centered people with different backgrounds and personalities. Now add some bad habits and interesting character traits, throw in a bunch of expectations, and then turn up the heat a little with the daily trials of life. Guess what? You are bound to have conflict. It’s unavoidable. Since every marriage has its tensions, it isn’t a question of avoiding them but how you deal with them. Conflict can lead to a process that develops unity or isolation. You and your partner must choose how you will act when conflict occurs.

How do You Successfully Handle Conflict When it Occurs?

#1. Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences.

One reason why we have conflict in marriage is that opposite attracts. It’s strange but that’s part of the reason why you married who you did. Your spouse added a variety, spice, and difference to your life that it didn’t have before. But after being married for a while (sometimes a short while), those attractions become repellents. You may argue over small irritations such as how to properly squeeze a tube of toothpaste or over major philosophical differences in handling finances or raising children. You may find that your backgrounds and your personalities are so different, that you wonder how and why God placed you too together in the first place. It’s important to understand these differences, accept and adjust to them. Just as Adam accepted God’s gift of Eve, you are called to accept His Gift to you. God gave you a spouse who completes you in ways you haven’t even learned yet.

#2. Resolving conflict requires defeating selfishness.

All of our differences are magnified in marriage because they feed what is undoubtedly the biggest source of our conflict; our selfish, sinful nature. What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. Jas4:1-2 (NIV). This is the heart of what makes our conflict ugly, our sin and selfishness focuses us on our own agenda. The answer for ending selfishness is found in Jesus and His teachings. He showed us that instead of wanting to be first, we must be willing to be last. In place of wanting to be served, we must serve, instead of trying to save our lives, we must lose them. We must love our neighbors (our spouses) as much as we love ourselves. In short, if we want to defeat selfishness, we must give up, give in, and give all. To experience unity, you must give up your will for the will of another. But to do this, you must first give up your will to Christ, and then you will find it possible to give up your will for that of your mate.

#3. Resolving conflict requires loving confrontation.

Confronting your spouse with grace and tactfulness requires wisdom, patience, and humility. Here are a few tips you will find useful:

 Check your motives: Will your words help or hurt? Will bringing this up cause healing, wholeness, and oneness, or further isolation?

 Check your attitude: Loving confrontation says, “I care about you. I respect you and I want you to respect me. I want to know how you feel.” Don’t hop on your bulldozer and run your partner down. Don’t pull up with your garbage truck and start unloading all the garbage you’ve been saving. Approach your partner lovingly.

 Check the circumstances: This includes timing, location, and setting. Don’t confront your spouse, for example, when he/she is tired from a hard day’s work or in the middle of settling a dispute between the children.

 Check to see what other pressures may be present: Be sensitive. What are the issues going on in your spouse’s life right now?

 During the discussion, stick to one issue at a time: Don’t bring up several. Don’t save up a series of complaints and let your spouse have them all at once.

 Focus on the problem, rather than the person: For example, you need a budget and your mate is something of a spendthrift. Work through the plans for finances and make the lack of budget the enemy, not your mate.

Focus on the facts rather than being judgmental: If your partner forgets to make an important call, deal with the consequences of what you both have to do next rather than say, “You’re so careless; you just do things to irritate me; you are useless and good for nothing.”

 Above all, focus on understanding your spouse rather than on who is winning or losing. When your spouse confronts you, listen carefully to what is said and what isn’t said. It may be that he is upset about something that happened at work and you’re getting nothing more than the brunt of that pressure. In other words, you are not the problem and all your spouse is trying to do is express some pent-up frustrations and feelings.

#4. Resolving conflict requires forgiveness

No matter how hard two people try to love and please each other, they will encounter challenges. With these challenges comes hurt. And the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing balm of forgiveness.

The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual’s relationship with God. Concerning the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt6:14–15). The instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be forgivers, and marriage probably more than any other relationship presents frequent opportunities to practice. Forgiving means giving up resentment and the desire to punish. By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook. And as a Christian you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest. Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Eph4:32).

Our Hope

As difficult as it is to work through conflict in marriage, we can claim God’s promises as we do so. Not only does God bless our efforts based on His Word, but He also tells us He has an ultimate purpose for our trials. 1 Pt1:6-7 tells us, “Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”

God’s purpose in our conflicts is to test our faith, to produce endurance, to refine us, and to bring glory to Himself. This is the hope He gives us that we can actually approach our conflicts as an opportunity to strengthen our faith and to glorify God.

“We have to stop asking of marriage what God never designed it to give: perfect happiness, conflict-free living, and idolatrous obsession”.

Instead, we can learn to appreciate what God designed marriage to provide: partnership, spiritual intimacy and the ability to pursue God together. So, what is the most common misconception Christians have about marriage?

“Finding a ‘soul mate’ — someone who will complete us”.

The problem with looking to another human to complete us is that, (spiritually speaking) it’s idolatry. We are to find our fulfillment and purpose in God . . . and if we expect our spouse to be ‘God’ to us, he or she will fail every day. No person can live up to such expectations.

Everyone has bad days, yells at his or her spouse, or is downright selfish. Despite these imperfections, God created the husband and wife to steer each other in His direction.

When my husband forgives me . . . and accepts me, I learn to receive God’s forgiveness and acceptance as well. In that moment, he is modeling God to me, revealing God’s mercy to me, and helping me to see with my own eyes a very real spiritual reality.”

While it’s easy to see why God designed an “other-centered” union for a “me-centered” world, living that way is a challenge.

So when bills pile up, communication breaks down and you’re just plain irritated with your husband or wife, these reminders are to help ease the tension:

 God created marriage as a loyal partnership between one man and one woman.

 Marriage is the firmest foundation for building a family.

 God designed sexual expression to help married couples build intimacy.

 Marriage mirrors God’s covenant relationship with His people.

We see this last parallel throughout the Bible. For instance, Jesus refers to Himself as the “bridegroom” and to the kingdom of heaven as a “wedding banquet.”

These points demonstrate that God’s purposes for marriage extend far beyond personal happiness. Let me quickly clarify that God isn’t against happiness per se, but that marriage promotes even higher values.

“God did not create marriage just to give us a pleasant means of repopulating the world and providing a steady societal institution to raise children. He planted marriage among humans as yet another signpost pointing to His own eternal, spiritual existence.”

Serving Our Spouse

“He spends the entire evening at the office again.”

“She spends money without entering it in the checkbook.”

“He goes golfing instead of spending time with the children”.

From irritating habits to weighty issues that seem impossible to resolve, loving one’s spouse through the tough times isn’t easy. But the same struggles that drive us apart also shed light on what we value in marriage.

If happiness is our primary goal, we’ll get a divorce as soon as happiness seems to wane. If receiving love is our primary goal, we’ll dump our spouse as soon as they seem to be less attentive. But if we marry for the glory of God, to model His love and commitment to our children, and to reveal His witness to the world, divorce makes no sense.

Couples who’ve survived a potentially marriage-ending situation, such as infidelity or a life-threatening disease, may continue to battle years of built-up resentment, anger or bitterness.

So, what are the ways to strengthen a struggling relationship or even encourage a healthy one?

Let’s look at these practical tips:

 Focus on your spouse’s strengths rather than their weaknesses.

 Encourage rather than criticize.

 Pray for your spouse instead of gossiping about them.

 Learn and live what Christ teaches about relating to and loving others.

Young couples in particular can benefit from this advice. After all, many newlyweds aren’t adequately prepared to make the transition from seeing one another several times a week to suddenly sharing everything.

Definitely, annoying habits and less-than-appealing behaviors will surface. Yet as Christians, we are called to respect everyone including our spouse.

We need to learn how to ‘fall forward.’ That is, when we are frustrated or angry, instead of pulling back, we must still pursue our partner under God’s mercy and grace.

Lastly, we can pray this helpful prayer: Lord, how can I love my spouse today like he/she’s never been loved and will never be loved?

I can’t tell you how many times God has given me very practical advice. Its one prayer that I find gets answered just about every time.

While other marriage books may leave us feeling overwhelmed, spotlighting our shortcomings and providing pages of relationship homework, The Marriage Manual (The Bible) written by The Master Builder makes it clear that any couple can have a successful, happy and holy marriage.

With a Christ-centered relationship, an other-centered attitude and an unwavering commitment to making it work, your marriage can flourish — just as God designed.

Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, Managing Director, World ...

Let me start by making some few definitions, for proper understanding of the topic of discussion.

Who is a Christian?

The Oxford dictionary defines a Christian as “a person who believes in the Christian religion“. The Wycliffe Bible dictionary defines a Christian as “one who belongs or is devoted to Christ”. Being a Christian is not just understanding certain doctrines and spiritual principles, but it is having our life in Christ Jesus. It is walking in the Spirit of Truth. The Truth here “is a property of that judgment which coincides with the mind of God”. So it will not be wrong to say that “a Christian is one whose walk is in agreement with the mind of Christ concerning every areas of his or her life 1Cor2:16. That means a Christian is one whose character and conduct reflects the character and conduct of the Risen Lord Jesus Christ”. If your walk is contrary to the Mind of Christ concerning your life; and your character and conduct does not reflect Christ, then you are not a Christian even if you claim to be one.

Who is a Lady?

The Oxford dictionary defines a lady as “a woman with dignity and good manners. So I will define a true Christian lady as a celebrated woman of rare and outstanding talent, a woman of class, integrity, honor and poise; a spiritually, emotionally and physically stable woman. A divinely set apart woman. (A diva) We have quite a number of such women in our midst. We have women like: Pst. (Mrs.) Faith Oyedepo, Pst. (Mrs.) Mary Abioye, Pst. (Mrs.) E. Aremu, Bishop Margaret Idahosa, Gloria Copeland, Elizabeth George, Joyce Meyer, Michelle McKinney Hammond, Cindy Trimm, Mrs. Diezani Allison Madueke Mrs. Oby Ezekwesili and Mrs. Ngozi Okonjo- Iweala to mention a few. As a Christian Lady you represent your heavenly Father here on earth. Your life, marriage etc must reflect that you are the daughter of the King of kings and the Lord of lords. Your life must bless people; you must not leave a place without leaving your mark behind. You must always leave a lasting impression of integrity, and poise in the hearts of those who interacts with you; because a deposit of the divine nature of God was planted in your spirit when He created you. You are set apart for a unique purpose, with divine credentials for living out your calling. An invisible stamp was placed on you the moment you became born again, which makes everyone that sees you to recognize that you are special. As a celebrated woman of class, your success in life is hinged on your close relationship with God, ability to hear His Voice, coupled with your submission to His direction. Having a kingdom view of life, should be our driving force in life. Matt6:33.

The Make-up of a True Christian Lady (a Diva).

There is a seed of divinity in every woman. That seed is the divine nature of God put inside every woman, when she was created by God. It is the Spirit of God. It is this divine nature in a true Christian lady that makes her to command attention without demanding it. This divine seed was lost at the fall of man, but on the Cross of Calvary Jesus restored that divine nature back to the woman. He gave us His divine mind, which is a major prerequisite for living a fulfilled life, filled with purposeful decision and security. The thing that sets a true Christian lady apart and makes her distinct from the rest women is the composite of her character. Her internal qualities which continually transforms her outer appearance and give her a royal bearing. She carries herself with a touch of royalty, irrespective of her status in life, whether she is doing menial jobs or she is an executive in a big organization. She is graceful and gracious; doing whatever she does in excellence without despising her femininity.

Her Spirituality.

A true Christian lady is spiritual. She has embraced her Savior and yielded to His Lordship, so under His instruction she is empowered to see her circumstances clearly, make wise choices and reap a victorious life. For you to be celebrated truly set apart woman, your attitude or view about who you are must change.

There are three (3) views that inform who you are in life.

A. Your personal view about yourself: this is limited by your emotions and what you have to go through in life. B. Other people’s views about you: This is based on their own experiences in life. C. God’s view about you: He is the only one who has a valid opinion about you. He knows, sees and understands everything about you. When we are in a relationship with our heavenly Father, we begin to see things through His eyes. A true Christian lady will not compromise her standards and she is completely sold out to her Lord, she is not moved by the opinion of other people concerning her. She is rooted and grounded in the love of God, so other people’s opinion no longer matter to her Song of Sol 2:16.

Her Appearance.

Every true Christian lady knows that in order to win friends and influential people, she must put her best face as well as foot forward. For a divinely set apart lady, her appearance is very important. First impression matters a lot in life, so she must be mindful of how she looks. Though God looks at the heart, people look at what is obvious to the eye. Her external appearance must complement the true beauty that comes from her inside. Someone once said that “the way you dress is the way you are addressed”. Dressing begins with the preparation of the body followed by the putting on of clothes etc. Apart from cleaning up physically, you must clean up spiritually. Rid yourself of all bitterness, vanity etc, no matter how fabulous the dress is, it cannot cover bitterness, vanity, rancor etc. What we eat has lasting effect on our health, as well as our beauty, diet affects our appearance. It affects our skin, figure, weight and even mental clarity. I agree that diet is a very personal choice, but let us take example from Daniel (Dan 1:3-21). Being tiny should not be your ultimate goal, but eating properly to stay healthy should be your goal. You must be honest with yourself, is your diet healing you or killing you? Remember, this is the only body you have, be kind to it and take care of it. Make it a life goal to eat healthily. Divinely set apart lady practice self control in all areas of her life, including diet. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit; do not defy it with unnecessary calories and fat. As true Christian ladies, we must take time to rest our bodies. You cannot afford not to rest, if God took time to rest Gen2:2-3, then we must follow His example and rest if we are to appear in our best forms. God created us in His image, so we are designed to rest, in order to function properly. Rest must be achieved on all levels, spiritually, emotionally and physically. It is a total package. We must know our physical limitations and take time to rest. The divinely set apart lady have no problem asking for help when she needs it, and saying “no” when a “yes” will do nobody any good. Also, you are to endeavor to keep fit with some simple exercises. Decide which exercise is best for you and your state of health. Walking is one of the most wonderful ways of staying fit. Once in a while, park the car and take a walk. It helps to keep you mentally alert. So, get out and get the blood pumping, take a short walk round your neighborhood. Talking about fashion, divinely set apart classic ladies set fashion trends, they do not follow it. Classic, simple, decent and complementary are the key words to how a classic lady dresses. Always in good taste; a divine diva dresses in a way that causes others to look twice, though nothing they are wearing is screaming from attention. Choose your color, fabric and fit well, wear clothes that is befitting of a daughter of the King. It is not how expensive an outfit is, that makes it fabulous, but it is the way it fit and how much of your body it covers that makes it a beautiful outfit. Sisters, it doesn’t matter whether that dress was made in Paris, New York, Italy or sewn by your neighborhood tailor; what matters is the fitting, the modesty and the impression it creates about you in other people’s minds. Let’s say something about our face; if you must wear makeup, it should be an enhancer and not a mask. Avoid makeovers that make you look like a masquerade or a painted doll. Do not forget your hair, whether you go natural or add extensions (weave-on, braids etc), the rule is to keep it simple. No wild colorings and other excesses. Do not forget that keeping your hair unkempt and untidy will not give you a good image. Your hair should work for you and not against you. Find a good hairdresser you like and stick with the person. Remember, your hair is your glory, so wear it well 1Cor11:15. The scent of a woman should always be alluring and intriguing. I agree that not everybody likes to use perfume, but if you are a perfume person, choose a fragrance that is you. Warm and fresh. Never overdo your fragrance, but strive to always make a personal statement about who you are with your fragrance. There are some people I know by the fragrance they wear and whenever I come in contact with that particular smell I remember them. Your fragrance should draw people close to you, and when you leave it should softly linger, leaving a pleasant memory of you in the minds of others. Finally, treat your feet well; taking care of your feet is important. After all, they support the rest of your body. The choice of shoes is endless but choose wisely; lovely but comfortable. Buy shoes that does not throw your posture out of line and you can walk gracefully. Pick shoes that complement the line of your legs. Always dress from top of your head to the tip of your toes as one complete picture; everything should work in harmony and compliment themselves. That is the secret of a true diva.

Her Character and Conduct.

Your character and conduct say a whole lot about who you are. This entails your communication skills and manners. Communication includes the following: your words; thoughts and actions or body language. As a true diva you must have an enviable communication skills. First of all, your communication must express love. Words, whether spoken or written have a tremendous impact on all our lives Pro12:18. Learn to use your words for blessing, healing and building up, and not for cursing, wounding and tearing down. Paul speaking in Eph4:29 said “Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk (ever) come out of your mouth, but only such (speech) as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it maybe a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it” (AMP). Watch your mouth! Matt12:36. Make a commitment to love others with your words. Every word you speak can be a brick to build or a bulldozer to destroy. Choose your words carefully. Remember words are seeds, they are containers of power. As a true diva avoid being labeled as “loud” or “rash”; it is not good for your image. Another area of communication is through our thoughts Pro23:7a says “for as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (AMP). Never make the mistake to think that your thoughts do not affect people. In fact, our thoughts not only affect others, they also affect us. If we think unkind thoughts, we become unkind. If we think loving thoughts, we become loving. If you let yourself dwell on negative thoughts, you will find yourself emitting bad energy to everybody around you. Of course, you will be avoided like a plague. Lastly, you communicate through your actions or body language. There is an adage that says “action speaks louder than voice”. As a true diva watch the type of body language you send out to people. Let your actions reflect the grace of God on your life. Watch the type of company you keep 1Cor15:33 admonished us that evil communication corrupts good manners. If your best friend and associates are ladies with foul language and questionable character; it is only a matter of time, and you will begin to talk and behave like them. May the Lord give us understanding!

Her Marriage.

A true diva is a virtuous wife, who knows how to turn her house into a home and enjoy a blissful marriage Pro31:10-31. A true diva knows her roles in the marriage and she carries them out religiously. Her marriage is in divine order. That is her spiritual marriage to her heavenly Husband Jesus Christ Isa54:5, and her physical marriage to her earthly husband. She has a good and to be envied relationship with the Spiritual Lover of her soul in the person of Jesus Christ. She is submissive and obedient to the dictates of her Savior, and this makes it easy for her to be submissive to the leadership of her earthly husband (she respects him, reverence, praise and honor him). She has a heart of a worshipper and her life is saturated with prayers and a childlike faith that trust God with every detail of her life and marriage. She does not have problems settling every issue of her life and marriage on her knees before her Lord. Also because she loves her Lord with all of her heart, soul and might; loving and giving affection to her husband is no problem for her. She warms his life with love. Above all, she is a true help meet and companion to her husband. She compliments him and she is not tempted to order him around.

Sisters, celebrate your unique qualities as a true diva and work them to the maximum.

It is all about Diva-tude. Attitude is everything. Remain blessed.

Old movies husband and wife

Old movies husband and wife (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As Christian couples we are called to walk in unity of heart and purpose with our spouses. The issue of the place of worship is one of such areas we must agree to walk together in unity.

Amos 3:3 says “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” In Amos’s question the word “together” means to walk as a unit, as one. Two people walk to the same destination at the same pace and with the same rhythm. They also must have “agreed” to take the walk of unity, as a unit with oneness.

Gen 2:24 tells us God created man and woman to become “one flesh” when they marry, not two separate beings who go their own separate ways.

There is a unity in marriage which is unique and holy. The moment you agree to marry each other, you are both agreeing to have one mind, one purpose, one desire etc. Your coming together is expected to bring completeness to each other in the areas of your deficiencies.

There is one area of unity in which the devil has been attacking Christian marriages. It is in the area of place of worship. In the course of counseling couples, I have been asked this question. Is it wrong for a Christian couple to attend separate churches?

You see married couples attending separate churches from their spouse is a situation that is more common than one might think. It is common for the children of such couples to be divided between the two churches, thereby creating a division in the family that is not healthy for the growth of that family.

In order to determine whether or not it is “wrong” for husband and wife to attend separate churches, we must first look at marriage as a relationship instituted by God.

What was God’s intention for establishing the marriage institution?

We will start from the very beginning. The Book of Genesis gave us an account of how God created the world and His purposes and desires which every creature is expected to fulfill.

He created man for the sole purpose of fellowship; after creating Adam, there was no playmate for Adam among the animals that will satisfy that desire of fellowship that God created in him. God had to create Eve and they (Adam & Eve) became one flesh Gen2: 18-24.

They were expected to fellowship together, plan and take decisions together and not to live separately. The entrance of sin brought an end to this beautiful desire of God. From that time everyone went his separate ways. Husbands and wives lost that divine seed of fellowship and oneness that God put in them at creation.

This was the order of the day among the children of Israel of old, husbands and wives involved in separate worship Hos 2:1-13. The same thing is still happening today, couples involved in separate worship.

With the coming of Jesus Christ, we were redeemed from sin and the seed of fellowship was restored back to us through the finished work on the Cross.

Moreover, marriage is the picture of Christ and His Church (Believers) as described in Eph 5:31-32. The marriage covenant between a man and a woman is symbolic of the covenant between Christ and those for whom He died. His is an everlasting covenant and one that is holy and sacred, just as marriage is to be holy, sacred and unbroken. This unity of two people into one reaches its most sacred in the spiritual realm, where the two are to be of one mind regarding the basic doctrines of Christianity; God, Christ, sin, salvation, heaven/hell, etc. This unity of understanding through the ministry of the Holy Spirit unites husband and wife in a bond unlike any other on earth.

While it’s possible for husband and wife to have differing tastes as far as music, preaching or worship styles, children’s programs, etc., none of these things are significant enough to break up the family into two parts so they can attend different churches based on tastes.

It is clear that if both churches are Bible-based and Christ-honoring, there is no reason why one spouse can’t bend a little and put his/her personal preferences aside. An even better alternative is for the couple to join together to seek a church, where the Word of God is preached as the only source for faith and practice. Where the entire family can learn the true gospel of Jesus Christ and fellowship with like-minded believers. In this, the husband as the spiritual head of the family should take the lead and make the final decision, lovingly taking his wife’s input into consideration.

This issue of common place of worship between married couples is a problem that cut across religion and ethnic groups.

Sadly, the two church family situations have continued to be a problem among Christian believers (purchased by the Precious Blood of Jesus). It is a shame that, we who are expected to show the world the true meaning of fellowship and unity in marriage are not practicing what we profess.

Matt 5:14 says “we are the light of the world, a city set on the hill that cannot be hidden”. Other religions are to take example from us on how to rule their affairs and their homes.

By the time the man of the house wakes up to his spiritual responsibility as the Priest of his house and prayerfully seeks the face of the Lord concerning the mind of God for his family’s place of worship, the issue of two church family will become a thing of the past.

The problem of two-church family is most common in marriages, where the couple is raised in different denominations with different doctrinal positions. The Bible tells us that a man (woman) shall leave his/her father and mother and they shall become “one flesh”. This means apart from physically leaving your parents homes to become married to each other; you are to leave behind denominational and doctrinal differences and prayerfully adopt the worship center God has ordained for you as a couple.

Without mixing words, in the issue of the church where you should worship as a married couple, the wife must worship where her husband worships for the sake of peace, harmony and unity of the home.

This is why Apostle Paul admonished us not to be unequally yoked 2Cor6:14-16, it is very dangerous for a bible believing young lady to be yoked together in marriage with a non bible believing young man or someone with different doctrinal position from her own.

Once she marries such a man, she is expected to believe what he believes!!!

Two people entrenched in their different doctrinal positions often find it difficult to compromise and reconcile, a couple in such situation may be forced to attend different churches, especially if one or both spouses consider the other spouse’s beliefs to be unbiblical.

If you find yourself in such situation in marriage, there is hope, for with God all things are possible Matt19:26. Both spouses should commit to prayer that the truth is revealed and spiritual unity be achieved.

Let’s not deceive ourselves, doctrinal conflicts must be resolved in a marriage before true unity can be achieved.

The benefits of a couple worshipping together in the same church cannot be overemphasized.

Below are some of the benefits of worshipping in the same church as a family.

1. You and your family have the same spiritual covering.

2. Have a common spiritual base from where you can launch attacks on the enemy of your soul and home.

3. Feed from the same spiritual table.

4. Enjoy spiritual unity, such that the enemy cannot penetrate your home Matt18:19.

5. Have opportunity of building a relationship with other believers with like minds, thereby having common spiritual friends.

6. Your children enjoy the fellowship of other children whose parents are also members of the church.

In any way the enemy has been cheating you of the benefits of worshipping together in the same church as a family, I pray that the Almighty God will intervene in your affairs and give you the desire of your heart in Jesus Name. Amen.