Trying to decide if the person you’re dating is God’s best choice of mate for you but the answer isn’t clear? Determining God’s best is a critical decision, one that requires you put aside your own agenda and desires, in order to consider the most important thing: what is God trying to tell me about this relationship?
Below are some checking list that I believe will help you determine God’s choice of mate for you. Beloved remember, before you expect to find this kind of person you must be this kind of person for someone else. God will not give you His best if you are not already His best for someone else.
Growing up Spiritually. Ask: Does this person seek out God willingly and eagerly on their own? Does he/she rely on me to grow spiritually– read the bible, go to church or does he/she do this already? God’s best will have a growing relationship with Him that is genuine, fresh and intimate in a way that is noticeable for all to see.
Active Prayer Life. Ask: Does this person pray regularly? Does he/she easily pray with me or in front of others? Does he/she talk about their prayer concerns and answered prayer? A marriage without prayer is like a light that hasn’t being plugged in– it’s dark and powerless. God’s best must be conversing with Him on regular basis for direction in life and investing in the lives of others.
Pure. Ask: Is this person determined to wait until marriage to have sex or use my body for his/her own pleasure in any capacity? Does he/she live what they preach? A great “barometer” to a person’s heart is how they control their sexual urges, if they truly love God and want to be obedient to Him, there will be no excuses, playing with fire, or compromises. They will honor God above their fleshy desires and will wait for you.
Teachable. Ask: Does this person ask for help, do they admit when they are wrong and say sorry? Do they seek godly counsel, do they respect God– given authority in their lives and are they repentant and obedient in matters with God? There is no greater security in marriage (especially for women in submitting to their husband) than trusting a mate who is teachable before God and seeking His will above their own.
Honest. Ask: Does this person tell you the truth even when it’s hard, does he/she take responsibility for their actions( own up) when they do something wrong or hurtful, do they twist the truth or minimize it to get out of trouble? Counting on your partner’s word in marriage is vital. He/she shouldn’t be afraid to admit when they mess up.
Whole. Ask: Does this person place their hopes, expectations and emotional needs in God alone? During difficult times do they try to fill up holes with the emotional support of others (especially me)? God’s best knows that it is only God that can give true comfort, hope and security. In times of difficulties and challenges they know how to turn the light on Him for solutions.
Surrendered. Ask: Is this person stubbornly pursuing their plans and goals or do they frequently offer up their lives to God and His plans? If the person you are marrying is living for him/herself, you are not going to have the marriage God intended for you. God’s best will live a life surrendered to His Spirit.
Forgiving. Ask: does this person forgive and get over things easily, is there any area of bitterness or unforgiveness from their past that they have not dealt with? God’s best has a forgiving spirit and he/she recognizes God as being in control of their lives, so they can let go of offenses. This will work in your favor when you have marital conflicts.
If after going through the above check list and you still can’t determine God’s will for the future, then:
Wait – perhaps God is not ready to reveal His plan for your relationship yet.
Romans 15:2-3 tells us “Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification. For even Christ did not please Himself…” (NKJV).
Who is your closest neighbor? Your Spouse. How can you edify (build, improve) your mate and thereby enhance his/her self-worth? By discovering and doing what pleases him/her.
If you are creative, pleasing your mate may be a natural part of your personality. But a less creative person may need some coaching in becoming a partner pleaser. And all of us need an occasional cue card to remind us to reach out. Here are a few ideas:
Write him a letter and send it to his office, or put a love note in his lunchbox or briefcase.
Prepare his favorite meal.
Purchase something small and frivolous for him that he won’t buy himself.
Greet your husband warmly after work. Find out how his day has been, listen attentively and offer your sincere encouragement.
Put the children to bed early and prepare a candlelight dinner.
Men view romance differently than women. Ask your husband to describe what’s romantic to him. Don’t be surprised when his ideas sound very different from yours.
In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body.
Write her a poem or a letter telling her how she means to you and how she has been a blessing and a gift from God to you.
Ask how her day has been, and genuinely listen to her tales and be sympathetic, if she has had a rough day.
Create an atmosphere of love, make her laugh, tell her a joke, do something funny.
Talk with your eyes, with just a look you can tell your wife how much you love her; make her feel important, be her number one admirer and support her with your presence.
Do something to help her with her challenges.
- Romance 101 (perikinder.com)
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also love the church and gave himself for it”; Eph 5:2. As a husband your primary assignment is to love your wife.
How many of these characteristics of love and romantic gestures do you practice towards your wife every day?
A loving husband is patient with his wife.
He is kind to his wife.
He does not envy his wife.
He does not regard himself to be more worthy than his wife.
He is not arrogant (proud) towards his wife.
He is not self seeking, placing himself above his wife.
He is not rude to his wife.
He is not easily angered towards his wife.
He keeps no record of the wrong doings his wife committed.
A loving husband does not delight in evil.
He rejoices with his wife in the truth.
A loving husband always protects his wife.
He always trust his wife.
He always hopes for the best for his wife.
A loving husband always perseveres, even when his wife is unlovable.
Enjoy pleasing your wife, women need to feel appreciated. Verbal appreciation is essential in the life of a woman. She wants to know that you value her.
Always greet your wife with a hug and kiss that says, that you’re happy to see her and do the same when you leave her, to say you will miss her.
Tell her what you love about her, what makes her special and what you appreciate.
Never compare your wife with other women, not even your mother or sisters.
Do not even show her the mildest form of contempt. Contempt is poison in a relationship.
The way you act towards her should subtly validate her as a person, even when you do not understand or agree with her.
- The Priorities of a Godly Husband. (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
To all mothers and mothers in waiting your walk with God is very vital to the successful training of your child in the way of the Lord. You can only give what you have and not what you have not Acts3:6. If your walk with God is questionable, then your children’s walk with God will be questionable too. Likeness, if your walk with God is worthy of emulation, your children’s walk with God will make Him proud of you and your children. One vital way of walking with God, is through your fellowship with Him. How strong is your devotion to God? How strong is the cord of relationship binding you with God? As a mother your time with God is very important, irrespective of the fact that you have a busy schedule– especially if you are a working mother. God expects you to have time to be with Him in the midst of your busy and overcrowded time schedule. In fact God wants your best time and not your leftover. You must cultivate a habit of seeking Him first thing in the morning that means as a mother you must rise up early, even though you are the last to go to bed. Prov31:15,18 “she gets up before daylight to prepare food for her family and for her servants…..she knows when to buy and sell, and she stays busy until late at night” (Contemporary English Version). As you wake up early at night to lift your household before the Lord, God gives you direction as to how to run the affairs of your home, and also God stays the hands of the evil one over your family. The devil will never have the opportunity to sow tares in the lives of your love ones, as you are always alight in the spirit; spiritually you are on fire. The devil can only sow tares, when you are in sleepy state –physically and spiritually. “How do I cultivate a meaningful relationship with God, how do I stay permanently connected, even in my moments of discouragement and struggles? In order to attempt to answer the above questions, we must start from the very beginning.
Overcoming the Guilt Feeling.
Nothing kills the joy of meeting with God than guilt. Recurring guilt is perhaps the most frequent struggle in our walk with God. We wonder why we do not feel right with God or why we haven’t spent more time with Him or for Him. Most of us have tried, but we have puzzled over what it really should be and we have felt miserable over our failures. The reason why this part of our faith is so troublesome and so hard to grasp is because we do not know what we are pursuing. As mothers we must get past the guilt feeling and pursue after God, strive to know Him on a personal note.
Getting Personal with God.
Surprisingly, most of us live as if God were not a person, most suspect that He exists but never live as if they expect to meet Him face to face/person to person. We claim a personal faith, yet our relationship with God is impersonal. We believe God is Holy, Righteous and Almighty. But these qualities keep us from seeing Him as a person, so God becomes someone we put on a pedestal so far above us that He ceases to be a person. The reason we meet with God is to know Him as personally as possible. This is the mystery of meeting with God. God said in Gen1:26 “let us make man (woman) in our own image, after our likeness….” It is not a flesh and blood image but a personality image—a person with intellect, emotions and will. God provided us with three experiences to help us understand how we are made in His image. Using our intellectual ability help us learn the mind of God, our minds was made so that we could know God. The relationship at this level involves two thinking persons. Hence God said in Isa1:18 “come now, and let us reason (think) together”. In our devotional time with God we bring our thoughts in line with His, thereby rubbing our small minds with His Superior Mind and we come out as superstars. The second experience is expressed in marriage. We learn to use our emotions by loving someone else. In this experience God teaches us that He is an emotional person. Love is a priority for our relationship with God. When you are in love with someone you always crave the presence of that person. Whenever you are around that person, everybody around you knows you are in a relationship with that person. There is a love bond between you too. This is how it should be with us and God. Unfortunately, this is not so for most of us. Your love expression for God is easily expressed and explained by your love for your spouse. If your devotional time with God is boring and a mere act of duty, then check yourself, if you are sincere, you will discover you are having a struggle with your relationship with your spouse. The third experience God gave us is expressed in our obedience to His commands—the use of our will or choices. God is a person of will as we are. To have a personal relationship with God, you need to know and respect His will, just as He knows and respect your will. God gave us a mind to know Him and to bring into harmony with His Mind, a heart to love Him and to bring into harmony with His Heart and a will to obey Him and to bring into harmony with His Will. God made us to be so like Him, so that we could know Him to the fullest of our created ability. In conclusion, we could say according to Dr Dwight Pentecost “what a man truly knows he will love, and what he truly loves, he will serve. This is what being personal with God is all about—knowing, loving and serving. This is what makes devotional time possible.
If it is this simple, why is it so hard for me to be personal with God.
Adam’s sin of disobedience in the Garden of Eden corrupted the perfect image of personality we had with God. Sin erupted that relationship of communing with God in the cool of the day. Since then our ability to know God has been darkened; our love for God has been degraded; and our ability to obey Him disabled. We no longer naturally seek Him. We find it hard to love Him with pure motives and to obey Him becomes difficult. No wonder God doesn’t seem very personal to us anymore. Thank God for the coming of Christ, He restored us back to that fellowship of intimacy with God through His death on the Cross. He reconciled us back to God, so that we can get personal with God again 2Cor5:17-19. God through the atoning death of Jesus Christ changed our corrupted image back to the original image 2Cor3:18. God through Christ gave us back the ability to know, love and serve Him. This is what life as a mother is all about, to know God as deeply as you can and to translate that knowledge into the training of your children. Thereby raising children after God’s heart. This is life eternal, that we as mothers might know Him, as the only true God and Jesus Christ whom He sent (Jn17:3). The knowledge of God is the best possession you can have in life as a mother, for it brings with it joy, delight and contentment. Another obstacle, to our being friends with God comes in the form of barrier of formality. We have been taught to revere God, and God Himself commanded it but He is also our Father and we are a family, He went out of His way to adopt us Rom8:15, so we are to maintain a close familiar relationship with Him. How will you feel as a mother when your child calls you, “Mrs. Your Surname”, rather he calls you mum or mama. Jesus always referred to God as Father. God also wants us to refer to Him as Daddy. In your closet call Him an informal name. In Isa54:5, the bible says, your maker is your husband, so why don’t you call Him some sweet names like Darling, Love of my life, my Sunshine or you can call Him some special names in your local dialect. When you do this you are establishing an intimate relationship with Him. Devotion is all about relationship, the one you have a relationship with, you will always want to be with. We find it difficult to enjoy a time of devotion with Him because we do not have a relationship with Him. Our time of devotion is just a mere act of duty and nothing else. Mothers let us develop an attitude of friendship with our divine Lover and Husband, who is ready and patience enough to listen to all our real and imagined frustrations, and moments of joys we encounter as we raise a godly family that will glorify God. He gave us the husbands and the children, He knows these precious individuals very well, and He alone can help us to understand the workings of their minds. This makes being a wife and a mother, a thing to be cherished, a duty to be carried out with gladness of heart. As we walk with God on a friendly note, we shall enjoy the blessedness of motherhood in Jesus Name. Amen.
A Prayer for Mothers
Most Gracious Heavenly Father ,
I thank you for every mother to whom You have entrusted the care of every precious human life from its very beginning in the womb.
You have given to woman, the capacity of participating with You in the creation of new life. Grant that every woman will come to understand the full meaning of that blessing.
Watch over every mother who is with a child, strengthen her faith in Your Fatherly care and love for her and her unborn baby. Give her courage in times of fear or pain, understanding in times of uncertainty and doubt, and hope in times of trouble. Grant her joy in the birth of her child.
Grant that all mothers may worthily foster the faith of their children, following the examples of the holy women in the Bible who followed Christ. Help mothers to grow daily in knowledge and understanding of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and grant them the wisdom to impart this knowledge faithfully to their children and to all who depend upon them.
For all the mothers in waiting, Father as You answered the cries of women like Sarah, Rachel, Hannah and Elizabeth, grant unto them their heart desires also. Let them also experience the joy of motherhood as they serve You faithfully, trusting in Your undying love and faithfulness. Help them to fulfill their destinies as mothers.
I beseech You to send Your Holy Spirit, the Comforter, to all mothers who sorrow for children that have died, are ill or estranged from their families, or who are in trouble or danger of any kind. Help grieving mothers to rely on Your tender mercy and Fatherly love for all Your children.
I ask your blessing on all those to whom You have entrusted motherhood. May Your Holy Spirit constantly inspire and strengthen them. May all mothers receive YourGrace abundantly in this earthly life, may they look forward to eternal joy in Your Presence in the life to come. As we celebrate Mothers’ day, make the joy of every mother be full. In Jesus Name I pray Amen.
- How do you define “a personal relationship with God”? (themysteryofchrist.wordpress.com)
- God: Friend or Supplier? (bslchicago.wordpress.com)
Man’s greatest tragedy is a broken relationship with God. Sin is the root cause of this break in fellowship between God and man. In order to have a meaningful relationship with God you must know who He is and how He works. This knowledge can only be gotten from His Word.
Who is God?
If we do not know and understand God correctly, we cannot commune in depth with Him, nor can we expect to receive His blessing.
(1) He is the God of Abraham; the God who cares. He cares for us, because He is a caring Father who will not allow His children to suffer.
(2) He is the God of Isaac; the God who provides. He provided Abraham with a ram in the place of Isaac. He is still the same today if we fully believe and obey Him; we shall receive uncountable blessings from Him like Isaac Gen26:1-14.
(3) He is the God of Jacob; the God who destroys. Just as God had to shatter and destroy all of Jacob’s ego and self will through agony and hardship, He still does the same with us today. He shatters our ego and selfishness through hardship and suffering. The purpose is to mold us closer to the image of Christ and be ready to be used as His servants to carry out His plans.
We can say from the lives of these three patriarchs that God the Father has a caring nature for all things, He offers blessings to those who believe and obey; and through hardships, and He molds us in the shape of Jesus Christ. Because of God’s molding of His children through hardship, most people do not believe that God is good. They see Him as a judgmental God, who should be avoided by all means. They believe He is a God that likes to see people suffer, and He resides far away in Heaven and does not care what happens to the people on earth. This mind set is from the pit of hell and it serves only one purpose, and that is to prevent us from enjoying a deep, glowing personal relationship with God. In order to have an intimate relationship with Him, we must first renew our minds with the Word of God. Reading the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, we will find that God the Father is a good God, who desires the best for His children (LK11:11-13; Matt7:9-11).
There is need for us to correct this misunderstanding for our own good. I must say here that the Father needs our cooperation in order to do good; Rom8:28 says”…..all things work together for good to those who love God…” When we love God, He fulfills His goodness and mercy through our cooperation. God is a righteous God; the fact that God is good does not mean He will close His eyes and accept us when we live according to our own will and commit sin. Because of His righteousness when we commit sin, we cannot escape His judgment. This is seen clearly in the drama that unfolded on the Cross. When Jesus in obedience to the will of the Father bore the sins of the world upon Himself, the Father judged Him mercilessly; the agony of the judgment was so much that Jesus cried out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me? Matt27:46.
God will always forsake the sinner anytime any day. The good news is that, when we repent and turn away from our sinful ways, by allowing the atoning blood of Jesus Christ to wash us clean of all unrighteousness. We will be able to have a wonderful relationship with our Father. God is the only one who can provide answer to our deep rooted problem. Sin is that deep rooted problem that all mankind has to face Rom3:23.
We all have a spiritual lacking, a thirst that only Him can quench. This thirst cannot be quenched by anything the world has to offer, He alone has the solution for the quenching of our spiritual thirst and the redemption of our spirits. As we accept Jesus works on the Cross of Calvary for us by faith , we enter into an unbreakable relationship with God, for He has forgiven us our sins and has made us His children. He did not stop there, but went a step further to transform the environment we live in; for His Blood also healed our land, the curse on the earth was removed for our sakes so that we can have a blessed destiny. He is faithful and dependable; trustworthy and merciful
“You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor: I am the Lord. You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him” Lev 19:16-17.
Tale-bearing emits a threefold poison; for it injures the teller, the hearer, and the person about whom the tale is told. Whether the report is true or false, we are by this precept of God’s Word forbidden to spread it. The reputations of the Lord’s people should be very precious in our sight, and we should count it shameful to help the devil to dishonor the Church and the Name of the Lord. Some tongues need a bridle rather than a spur. Many glory in pulling down their brethren, as if thereby they raised themselves. Noah’s wise sons cast a mantle over their father, and he who exposed him earned a fearful curse Gen9:21-27. We may ourselves one of these dark days need forbearance and silence from our brethren, let us render it cheerfully to those who require it now. Let this be our family rule and our personal bond SPEAK EVIL OF NO MAN.
The Holy Spirit, however, permits us to censure sin, and prescribes the way in which we are to do it. It must be done by rebuking our brother to his face, not by railing behind his back. This course is manly, brotherly, Christ like, and carries God’s blessings. Does the flesh hate to do it? Yes. Then we must lay the greater stress upon our conscience, and keep ourselves to the work, lest by suffering sin upon our friend we become ourselves partakers of it. Hundreds have been saved from gross sins by the timely, wise, affectionate warnings of faithful ministers and brethren. Our Lord Jesus has set us a gracious example of how to deal with erring friends in his warning given to Peter, the prayer with which he preceded it, and the gentle way in which he bore with Peter’s boastful denial that he needed such a caution.
Lord Jesus, Your words are the kind of words I want to speak; words permeated with the grace of God. Please forgive me for the many words I have expressed that were corrupted by my own fleshly wisdom or selfish interests. I humbly ask You to season my speech with heavenly righteousness and godly insight. I long to impart edifying grace to all who hear me speak. In Your holy name, I pray. Amen.
Eph 2:13 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. By the finished works on the Cross of Calvary through the Blood of Jesus Christ a new covenant was enacted by God which is the covenant of Grace which brought us Gentiles into the Commonwealth of Israel and been made to partake of the promises of God through the Blood of the Lamb. This covenant is a covenant of relationship. The phrase “in Christ” indicates the extent of the intimacy that is available by Grace. It is where we live spiritually and it is also how we live. As a fish is in the Sea and lives on the resources of the Sea, we are in Christ and live on the resources of Christ. As sure as an unborn child is in the mother’s womb and lives on the life of the mother, we also are in Christ and live on the life of Christ. We are not only brought near by the blood of Jesus, we are joined to Him in a “united closeness” like a head to the its body. He is the Head of the Body, the Church Col1:18. We can relate to the Lord more closely than the members of our physical body relate to our physical head. We can look to Jesus for direction and coordination. We can depend on Him for planning, guiding and timing in our entire lives. We can anticipate that He will monitor, maintain and adjust our situations. The intimacy is also like a vine and its branches. “I am the Vine, you are the branches” Jn15:5. We can look to Jesus for our very life source for we can produce no life on our own. We can concentrate on abiding in Him. He makes our lives fruitful and effective. The intimate relationship the Lord wants to develop with us is likened to the joining of a husband and a wife Rom7:4.We can count on Jesus to love us faithfully and sacrificially. We can rest on His constant companionship, never leaving us for any reason throughout our journey here on earth.
What blessings are ours for time and eternity in Christ. Joined intimately to Christ, nothing can separate us from the love and kindness that He has for us: “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor heights nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” Rom8:38-39, and “that in ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus” Eph 2:7.
Say this prayer with me:
Lord Jesus, I am overwhelmed by the intimacy that is available to me, now that I am united to You. Lord, I want to depend upon You as my Vine, follow You as my Head, and love You as my Bridegroom. Lord, please continue to reveal to me the implications of being joined to You for all time and eternity, in Your Holy Name I pray, Amen
- Treasuring God! (psalmsofpraisewomensministries.wordpress.com)