I love him
I want him to be my first
He’s waited long enough
I don’t want to lose him
I love her
We’ve been going out for a long time
I have needs
It’s time we took our relationship to the next level
Sweetheart, those are all some pretty good reasons to have sex, aren’t they? But to go along with these carefully thought out reasons, will mean ruining your marital destiny and, building your marital life on a faulty foundation Heb 13:4; Ps 11:3.
Consider the following reasons why pre marital sex is a taboo.
You’re going to get hurt
No matter how you look at it, even when you have good reasons to do it, premarital sex hurts…a lot. If you are a guy, you might think it’s just the girl who gets hurt, but you’re only partly right. The girl will get hurt, because she has this uncontrollable tendency to attach her heart to any guy she gives her body to, unless she’s already been made cold-hearted from the pain of offering her body to be used so many times that she doesn’t care anymore. But as a guy, you will get hurt too. By indulging in non-committed sensual pleasures, you will be setting yourself up for a lifetime of comparisons that will harass your thoughts and make you unable to be content in your most valuable future earthly relationship (your marriage). The guilt you’ll have (and there is always guilt eventually) will eat you up so badly that you will be a target for addictions or avoidance that will prevent any true intimacy in this life.
Your future is going to get messed up.
You already know that teens get pregnant, teens get abortions, and teens get STD’s. Those are all ways that your life can get messed up now and stay that way for a long time.
God is going to get pushed out of your life.
There’s no way around it. When you are living to please yourself and ignoring God, He isn’t going to force Himself on you. That means that you aren’t going to have His help, His encouragement, His direction, or His awesome plans working out in your life. You might think you’re having fun for awhile, but eventually, living for yourself is going to hurt. You will end up lonely, depressed, hopeless, purposeless, and passionless. That’s because you can’t ignore God for long and enjoy your life. You can try, but you will never be peaceful or satisfied. It is impossible. The Bible says in Romans 8:7, 8, “If your sinful nature controls your mind, there is death. But if the Holy Spirit controls your mind, there is life and peace. For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. (NLT)”.
Be wise say NO to premarital sex, it is a destroyer of destiny!
Trying to decide if the person you’re dating is God’s best choice of mate for you but the answer isn’t clear? Determining God’s best is a critical decision, one that requires you put aside your own agenda and desires, in order to consider the most important thing: what is God trying to tell me about this relationship?
Below are some checking list that I believe will help you determine God’s choice of mate for you. Beloved remember, before you expect to find this kind of person you must be this kind of person for someone else. God will not give you His best if you are not already His best for someone else.
Growing up Spiritually. Ask: Does this person seek out God willingly and eagerly on their own? Does he/she rely on me to grow spiritually– read the bible, go to church or does he/she do this already? God’s best will have a growing relationship with Him that is genuine, fresh and intimate in a way that is noticeable for all to see.
Active Prayer Life. Ask: Does this person pray regularly? Does he/she easily pray with me or in front of others? Does he/she talk about their prayer concerns and answered prayer? A marriage without prayer is like a light that hasn’t being plugged in– it’s dark and powerless. God’s best must be conversing with Him on regular basis for direction in life and investing in the lives of others.
Pure. Ask: Is this person determined to wait until marriage to have sex or use my body for his/her own pleasure in any capacity? Does he/she live what they preach? A great “barometer” to a person’s heart is how they control their sexual urges, if they truly love God and want to be obedient to Him, there will be no excuses, playing with fire, or compromises. They will honor God above their fleshy desires and will wait for you.
Teachable. Ask: Does this person ask for help, do they admit when they are wrong and say sorry? Do they seek godly counsel, do they respect God– given authority in their lives and are they repentant and obedient in matters with God? There is no greater security in marriage (especially for women in submitting to their husband) than trusting a mate who is teachable before God and seeking His will above their own.
Honest. Ask: Does this person tell you the truth even when it’s hard, does he/she take responsibility for their actions( own up) when they do something wrong or hurtful, do they twist the truth or minimize it to get out of trouble? Counting on your partner’s word in marriage is vital. He/she shouldn’t be afraid to admit when they mess up.
Whole. Ask: Does this person place their hopes, expectations and emotional needs in God alone? During difficult times do they try to fill up holes with the emotional support of others (especially me)? God’s best knows that it is only God that can give true comfort, hope and security. In times of difficulties and challenges they know how to turn the light on Him for solutions.
Surrendered. Ask: Is this person stubbornly pursuing their plans and goals or do they frequently offer up their lives to God and His plans? If the person you are marrying is living for him/herself, you are not going to have the marriage God intended for you. God’s best will live a life surrendered to His Spirit.
Forgiving. Ask: does this person forgive and get over things easily, is there any area of bitterness or unforgiveness from their past that they have not dealt with? God’s best has a forgiving spirit and he/she recognizes God as being in control of their lives, so they can let go of offenses. This will work in your favor when you have marital conflicts.
If after going through the above check list and you still can’t determine God’s will for the future, then:
Wait – perhaps God is not ready to reveal His plan for your relationship yet.