- Never bring up mistakes of the past.
Stop criticizing others or it will come back on you. If you forgive others, you will be forgiven (Lk6:37).
- Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
And how do benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul in the process? (Mk8:36).
- Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
And do not sin by letting anger gain control of you. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry (Eph4:26).
- At least once a day, try to say something complimentary to your spouse.
Gentle words bring life and health; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit (Pro15:4).
- Never meet without an affectionate welcome.
Kiss me again and again, your love is sweeter than wine (Songs of Sol1:2).
- “For richer or poorer” -rejoice in every moment that God has given you together.
A bowl of soup with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate (Pro15:17).
- If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good, choose your mate.
Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to help them (Pro3:27).
- Do not use faith, the Bible, or God as a hammer.
God did not send His Son to the world to condemn it, but to save it (John3:17)
- If they have breathe in their nostrils, your mate will eventually offend you. Learn to forgive.
The Scriptures warn, if another believer sins, rebuke him; if he repents, forgive him. Even if he wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and ask forgiveness, forgive him (Lk17:3-4).
- Let love be your guidepost
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and keeps no record of when it has been wronged (1Cor13:4-5).
Unity is a triple braided cord. One friend plus another plus Christ make the cord not easily broken (Eccl4:9-12). Our commitment to Christ binds us irrevocably to each other. We find our oneness in Him Jn17:21-23. When Christ is the source and center of a marriage negative forces cannot pull it apart. There is a buffer of Christ grace when we fail or disappoint each other. We belong to Christ and each other in spite of what happens around us. Jesus wants us to know the same oneness with one another that He has with God the Father. He engenders in us love, forgiveness and patience for one another. When Christ is the unbreakable strand in the triple braided cord it cannot be severed. Amos3:3 our commitment to God must first be in place in order for us to develop true and meaningful relationship with others. When we agree with God in all our ways, He makes it possible for our ways to be agreeable with the people around us –our spouses, family members, business associates and neighbors. When your ways are pleasing to the Lord, He will make your enemies to be at peace with you. It is the work of the Holy Spirit to make your enemies to be at peace with you only when your ways pleases God. You must carry out all instructions from the Lord with faithful obedience, for anything done without faith is sin. The whole issue of unity is love –Christ’s love for us and our willingness to love others as Christ loved us Jn13:34. Christ’s love for us is not dependent on a quality that makes us loveable. He loves us because He IS love, regardless of our strengths or weaknesses; this thought maybe humbling to some who want to be chosen, called and cherished because of their human credentials of talent, personality or achievement. Christ’s love is not motivated by any of these human qualities, but by grace motivated. If we are to love His way we must ask for it Jn14:14, and also we must learn that the Holy Spirit must give us the power Jn14:16 He is our Helper who will help us love like Christ. In a world of bartered manipulation, give and take etc unity is not possible without Christ commandment and our willingness to receive His love for others. Unity is Christ miracle of oneness. In Gen2:24 the scripture tells us that a man and his wife are to become one with each other (one flesh). In Jn17:1-26, Jesus prayed for the same oneness He has with the Father for His disciples. He and the Father shared the same purpose, plan and power. It is this kind of oneness God expects from us in our relationships –as couples, as family members and as believers in Christ generally. Christ came not to do His own will but to do the Father’s will Jn6:38. Likewise our unity is dependent on sharing the priority of seeking and doing the Lord’s will. The equation of oneness is profound, and yet very simple: one plus one plus one equals one—Christ plus the husband plus the wife equals one. It is the Christ in our spouses who reaches out to the Christ in us. Likewise the Christ in our fellow believer reaches out to the Christ in us. We are united in and through Him. It is a miracle of the indwelling Christ. The miracle of Christ’s indwelling power is that, the love He revealed is exactly the love He will communicate to others through us. When this quality of love is the basis of a relationship whether marriage or social the miracle of unity is possible. In Eph4:1-16, the scripture presses us towards a recognition of our mutual dependence not only upon Christ, but also upon one another as we learn to minister in love to the needs of each other. The ministry of the Holy Spirit is to bring us together in oneness based on the shared belief in Christ as Lord and Savior, His atoning death, His victorious resurrection and His reigning power. The Spirit overcomes our natural tendencies to selfishness, independence and self serving. He draws us together with our spouses/other believers and creates the miracle of oneness Jesus prayed for in John 17. we cannot overlook the fact that there are obstacles or blockages to unity. It is often the temptation of secondary issues of life that keeps us from living in unity with each other.These secondary issues could be among many others—commitment to parents, family background, denomination, religious beliefs etc. Unity is difficult when these secondary considerations becomes the basis for judging or staying away from others. In addition to the above issues, racial, cultural or social difference, education, position, financial status or political beliefs can stand between couples, keeping them from loving each other and experiencing the unity that Christ desired for them. When we major in minors we end up as failures in life and marriage. The only way to overcome this is to be sure Christ is first and foremost in our lives and to set aside the secondary thing that has little value. The key to a unified relationship is found in 3Jn3. Walking in the Light and truth of God’s word is the ultimate key to true unity. Christ is our Light Jn8:12. In His Light, we see the truth, live the truth and speak the truth. The Holy Spirit is the inner Light who helps us walk in unity with our spouses and fellow believers. John puts it clearly “if we walk in light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another” (1Jn1:17). Unity– true practical love—happen when we walk in the light and in the truth – This is the bedrock of marriage. Mutual forgiveness is most important as we cultivate true unity in our relationship with our spouses and fellow believers.
- The Christian Marriage (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- Christian Couples- Unity of Place of Worship (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
A life of rebellion can pull children into a web of regret. Once they are in it, it is hard for them to get out. As parents we need to help them find their way back into the bosom of the family. It should be our aim, regardless of what our children have done to us, to do everything we can to help restore them to fellowship with God and be in harmony with their extended family.
We are called to be peacemakers (1Pt 3:7). Our government sometimes sends out our armed troops to some hot spots in the world to serve as peacekeepers. Jesus didn’t say, “Blessed are the peacekeepers.” He said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” Peacekeepers are simply people with big guns and more money in their pockets to keep a rebellion from getting out of hand. Peacekeeping doesn’t solve the rebellion; it just keeps it in check.
A peacemaker helps bring rebellion to an end. That’s what we’re called to do with members of our family who have chosen a life of rebellion. Peacemaking isn’t about avoiding conflict or trying to calm down someone’s anger. It is using whatever means that is beneficial to bringing another person to a point of reconciliation and restoration. It might mean working to avoid a conflict or bringing a conflict to an end. I want to suggest a few principles to follow when acting on God’s leading in restoring a rebellious child back to God and the family:
Talk things out with God before you discuss them with the rebellious child. You want to make sure your heart is right before you attempt to get your child’s heart right. God may need to change you first. He most likely has been teaching you things all along. Allow Him to continue to teach you. Talk with Him, but also listen to Him.
Don’t be afraid to voice your own despair and frustration to God. You may have a good deal of anger of your own to ventilate with Him. Speak what is on your heart respectfully to Him. But speak it!
God speaks very clearly to us through His Word. Put the Scriptures before you and meditate on them. Ask God to reveal to you the unmet needs in your son or daughter that might have stirred him or her to anger. God may wait days, weeks, or months before He gives you the calm assurance that you are ready to make your approach. Wait for His peace. In the meantime, God may not only be changing your heart; He may also be changing your son’s or daughter’s heart, too.
Take the first step. You may have been on the receiving end of a lot of dishonor. Your fragile ego tells you, “It’s your child’s duty to take the first step. He/she’s the one that has rebelled and caused you pain. He/she should have to initiate peace talk.”
Don’t let your flesh do the talking or allow your wounded heart to call the shots. Let God’s Spirit take the lead. And remember that holding back only hurts you. The Bible says that refusing to deal with unresolved conflict will block your prayers.
Identify with their pain. People don’t get angry and rebel for no reason. There may be a lot of pain stirred up inside them. Listen, speak less. Ask questions.
Go with the goal of sympathizing before attempting to find solutions. It’s not the time to rehearse the hurts or try to clarify the mistakes your child has made. Nor is it the time to remind him/her just how much pain he/she has dished out.
The key at this stage of the restoration process is to communicate that your child is tremendously valuable to you. His/her opinions, feelings and wounds matters to you. The Living Bible says, “We must bear the ‘burden’ of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others. Let’s please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what is for his good” (Rom 15:2).
You may have to listen to some accusations and unfounded assaults. Don’t get into defending yourself. Let your child get the bile out of his/her system. When he/she sees that you aren’t rationalizing, explaining, or arguing, it will show him/her that you are more interested in him/her than in yourself. And remember, if you have to take some insults you don’t deserve, you’ll be doing the same thing for your son or daughter that Christ had to do for you.
Own up to the negative part you played. No parent is perfect. And if you got caught off guard by a child’s rebellion, you may have done or said things you shouldn’t have. Because your child has been so close to you, you may have unintentionally let him/her down.
Don’t try to explain why you did what you did or said what you said. Just ask for forgiveness. Jesus said, “First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matt 7:5).
Your attitude of humility and remorse can play a huge role in changing your rebellious child’s attitude. Be thorough, humble, and gentle as you confess the part you played in his/her decision to turn his/her back on God’s best plans. Ask for forgiveness.
Deal with the problem, not the person. It is very important that you go through the process, not accusing your children or convincing them of things they did wrong. God will reveal that to them. This is not the time to attach blame to their actions or to rehearse your hurt.
The book of Proverbs reminds us that “a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Pro15:1). Your tone of voice, your posture, and your facial expressions can communicate so much that is in your heart. Just let your child see God’s grace and mercy in your eyes and feel it in your voice. The Bible says, “The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction” (Pro16:21).
Regardless of whether they use sarcasm, put-downs, arrogance, or insults, don’t give back in kind. Paul said, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Eph4:29).
Figure out how you can cooperate rather than compete. You may have to swallow some pride. It’s not that you are compromising on absolute principles but rather looking for some common ground where you and your child can both agree. The key here is that you’re not trying to win a battle. Your goal is unity, not victory.
Don’t aim at resolving; aim at restoring. There’s no way both sides of a major conflict are going to agree on everything. Don’t even try. Reconciliation isn’t about evening scores and fixing all the problems that have occurred. Your goal is the restoration of the relationship between you and your child, not in resolving every difference of opinion. When hearts are brought back together, many of the differences between them become irrelevant.
Not even the best of friends and the healthiest married couples see eye to eye on everything. That’s not the goal of love anyway. Grace has room for different perspectives and different interpretations of a situation. Concentrate on bringing your hearts back together and deal with the differences later, after God has brought healing to your relationship. Shalom.
- Free from the Stronghold of Rebellion (ptl2010.com)
Pro 14:1 “Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands” (AMP).
Pro 12:4 “A virtuous and worthy wife (earnest and strong in character) is a crowning joy to her husband….” (AMP) For you to excel in life and in the family as a homemaker, you need wisdom.
Pro 4:7-9, admonishes us to befriend wisdom, for she will give to our heads a wreath of gracefulness, a crown of beauty and glory will she deliver to us, if we allow her to direct us, she will bring to us profiting in all our endeavors including homemaking.
What is a Home?
A home is a dwelling place, but not every dwelling place is a home. A home is a place where you live, especially with your family. It is your haven; a place you go to for comfort, peace and tranquility. A place of safety, where the hostility happening outside cannot reach you. The difference between a house and a home is the presence of a wise woman. A wise woman transforms her house into a home by her actions; she is the one according to the scriptures that builds the house, transforming it into a home, which becomes a safe place for herself, her loved ones and everyone who comes her way. She turns the mortar and bricks of the house into a home, where love, joy, peace and hospitality can be felt. A woman who allows the wisdom of God to direct her affairs in life is the heartthrob of her husband. She is the Virtuous woman of Proverb 31:10-31. The kingdom of God is a kingdom of choices, God will only advice you, but whatever is your choice, you will receive the reward. The choice is yours, either to be a wise builder or a destroyer Deut30:15-20. In fact, you are a product of the choices you made yesterday. I can hear the Spirit say, choose well today so that you can have a better tomorrow.
How do you build a house and transform it into a home as a wise woman?
Pro24:3-4 “Through skillful and godly wisdom is a house (a life, a home, a family) built and by understanding it is established (on a sound and good foundation). And by knowledge shall all its chambers (of every area) be filled with all precious and pleasant riches” (AMP).
Pro 9:1 “Wisdom has built her house she has hewn out and set her seven (perfect number of) pillars” (AMP).
Let us look at the seven vital pillars for transforming the house into a home.
A. Qualitative Walk with God. Matt 6:33. God desires that you develop your spiritual life in order to be a wise homebuilder. You are to examine your heart condition towards God. If your relationship with your Maker is in order it will reflect in your relationship with your family, that is your husband and children. Without Christ, your life is like a super car without key, you cannot get it started, make it work or use it. You cannot go anywhere with it. A relationship with God is the key to all life situations, including your marriage. God alone possesses the instruction manual for your marriage and that wonderful home you dream of. The first pillar in building that wonderful home you desire and deserve is seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. As you do this diligently, shunning all distractions from within and without, Jesus Himself will see to it that your house is transformed into a home. Decide today to put God first every day of your life, and your life and marriage will never be the same again.
B. Be a Supportive Teammate. Eccl 4:9-12. Your house can only be transformed into a home, if you accept your role as a supportive teammate with your husband. You are to compliment his efforts and not to order him around. You have an important part to play in making your house a safe haven for your loved ones. We women, tend to forget that the success of the marriage depends on us as much as it depends on the man. If we refuse to play out our role in the marriage, what we will have at the end of the day is a “madhouse” where everything is in chaos instead of the blissful home we desired and deserved.
Let us quickly remind ourselves of the roles of husbands and wives:
He is the head, so he is to lead in the marriage and family, before the fall, the man and his wife were doing their things their own way; but after the fall a new order was set in place Gen3:16; Eph5:22-24 and Col3:18. In the same way you submit to the Lord, you are to willingly follow your husband’s leadership. He is to work and provide for his wife and children 1Tim5:8. He is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church Eph5:25.
She is to help her husband, as wives we are God’s solution to our husbands’ need for a helper and companion. We are to submit to our husbands, this is a non negotiable commandment to wives from God. We must adapt ourselves to our husbands’ leadership and their way of leading. You are expected to respect your husband as a Christian wife, you are to reverence, respect, praise and honor your husband; failure to do this, is a sin in the eyes of God. If you have a good relationship with God carrying out this commandment will be cheap and easy for you. You are to love your husband that is be affectionate, treat your husband in a loving manner, cherish him and enjoy him as your best friend. To build a priceless home, you must follow God’s plan for your life and marriage. Do not postpone your obedience to your roles as a wife or make it conditional to your husband’s fulfillment of his assignment. Do not wait for your husband to change before you perform your roles. Instead of rating our husbands, let us check ourselves and prayerfully ask God to help us make amend where we are lacking in carrying out our roles. No matter who our husbands are, and their spiritual condition our roles still remains: Help; Follow; Respect and Love Your husband’s failures and shortcoming in discharging his duties does not give you the right to sin.
C. A Quality Prayer Life. Lk 18:1-8. Jesus admonished us that we ought to pray and not to faint. How is your prayer life? Most of us leave the praying to our husbands, agreed that they are our spiritual heads, but as their help meet it is also part of our assignment from God to pray for our family. In fact, we are to pray without ceasing 1Thess 5:17. You are the spiritual watchman of that home. The biblical positions of the “watchman” are: on the way of the city; walking about in the city and on the hills and mountain tops. You are to observe closely the activities going on within the house; make your family ready to accept the Lord and be obedient to His word, that is prepare them for eternity; to recognize and confront disorderly or unruly behavior within the home; to report all disobedience to the Spiritual High Priest of your home. Also you are to patrol the borders of your home, watching out for any encroachment of the enemy long before any attack is launched against your home. You can only carry out your duties as a watchman of your home by effective fervent prayer. As a watchman you must be able to hear from the Lord and warn the family Ezk3:17. To put it bluntly, your husband is where he is today by virtue of the amount of time you spent praying for him; the same goes for the state of affairs in your marriage. You cannot enjoy a blissful home standing straight, your knees must be bent in prayers always; because the devil does not like you as long as you do not belong to him, and you can only fight him on your knees. Whether you are engaged in prayers of thanksgiving; praise/worship; supplication; request or petition, your knees must be in a bent position. Let me tell you one secret why you must engage in meaningful prayer time; no matter how difficult your husband is, your prayers to God everyday concerning him, will change him to the kind of man you desire and deserve; and he will find himself doing things for you he never thought he could do. Friends, prayer works faster than nagging, try it and you will not regret it. To raise godly children we need prayers, because our children are likely to mix with some other children with questionable backgrounds in their schools and work places; it is our duty as mothers to pray and our prayers will help mold them in the way of the Lord Gen18:19; 2Tim3:15.
D. A Meaningful Intimacy Song of Sol. 7:1-12. It is God’s idea that sexual intimacy be a holy and confined blessing in marriage; however temporary the excitement of sexual expression may be, its abuse will bring enormous heart break and suffering. Sexual union is reserved for marriage alone Ex 20:14; Pr5:15-20. The bible teaches that sexual intimacy is to be enjoyed regularly so that the couple may avoid temptations 1Cor7:3-5. Sexual intercourse is an intimate expression of affection between husband and wife. In fact the bible says it is a duty the husband and wife own to each other, they are to be available to each other and not to deprive one another except by mutual agreement and only for a short period of time least satan tempts them for lack of self control. Christian couple should never engage in sexual selfishness, and as a Christian wife never use your body as a means of exploiting your husband, whether directly or indirectly. It is a sin, if you practice this shameful act you are not better than the harlot on the street who sells her body for what she can gain from men Pro7:10-21. There are better ways of getting your husband to do things for you than using your body. May the Lord give us understanding.
E. Hospitality Proverbs 31:20. As a Christian wife you must be hospitable. Remember your husband came out of a family. He was raised in a family that includes parents, siblings and other extended relations. You are to show love to them, the fact that the bible says a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, does not mean you are to neglect your parents in law and not respect and show them love. Remember the bible says honor your father and mother. Once you marry, your husband’s parents become your parents, so you must extend to them the same honor and respect you have for your parents. The scriptures tell us that whatsoever you sow you will reap Gal6:7, one day you will become a mother in law and the same treatment you gave to your mother in law will be given to you; I hope you enjoy it when the time comes. Eph5:1-2 advices us to be imitators of God and walk in love; pay evil deeds with good deeds and the Lord will reward you with the desire of your heart which is a blissful marriage and a happy home. Take example from Ruth in the bible Ruth 1:16-17, she respected her mother in law, she was loyal to her; she was a humble and teachable daughter in law. She served her mother in law from her heart and the Lord rewarded her by putting her name in the Book of the genealogy of His Son Jesus Christ Matt1:5. Write your name in gold in the heart of your loved ones by being a daughter in law and a mother in law after God’s Heart.
F. Good Money Management Proverbs 27:23-27. Money management is a sensitive issue in most marriages, but with the wisdom of God, the nightmare surrounding money management in marriage can be turned to a thing of joy. Managing money is an act that only the Holy Spirit can teach. You either manage money or it will manage you. In the book of Proverbs, the Holy Spirit showed us five keys to good money management. As a Christian wife, you are the Chief Accountant of your home, so you must be a skilled money manager in order for your husband to trust you with his money. The reason most husbands are not open to their wives about their true financial position is lack of trust. They do not trust their wives with money; so in order not to go bankrupt they remain close as a clam on money matters; this is not right, there should be absolute openness in marriage. My husband is completely and absolutely open with me concerning his financial position, because he knows that I am for him and not against him; he does not have to hide his cheque book from me, why? Because financially he trust me. If your husband is not opened to you financially, check yourself and the foundation upon which you built your marriage.
Let us consider these five nuggets of good money management from the Scriptures:
(1) Good Accounting System Pr 27:23: How good is your record keeping? Keep a good track of what you own, owe, earn and spend.
(2) Planning Pr 21:5: Have a budget; planning how we spend money is essential to good stewardship. Planned spending brings satisfaction while “impulse buying” can have devastating consequences.
(3) Saving Pr 21:20: If you plan well and spend wisely you should be able to save for the rainy day.
(4) Contentment Pr 15:16: More money is equal to joy and peace of mind. To have plenty of money to spend is very good no doubt, but it is the contentment we have with whatever is in our hands today that brings enjoyment and joy in the Holy Ghost Phil 4:11.
(5) Giving Pr 3:9-10: Honour God with whatever income or resources you have. As a good money manager, you can always squeeze out something from a very tight budget to give to the Lord; it is not in the quantity but in the quality. As you do this, you allow the Lord to reign in your life and begin a divine cycle of blessing for you.
G. Kingdom Service Col3:23-24. Every Christian is to serve the Lord. You are saved to serve, and not to be served. Your service is unto God and not unto man, this is the truth that brings dignity to service, in whatever capacity you are called to serve do it as unto the Lord. As a Christian wife interested in transforming her house to a home, bear the following in mind as you pursue your kingdom service:
Serve those at home first. Never give to others, what you have not first given to those in your home. Your first service is to your husband and children. Jesus speaking in Acts 1:8: we are to be witnesses to Him first in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria before the end of the earth. Your family is your Jerusalem so that is the first place to start your kingdom service.
Serve with your husband’s blessing and support. Before you go into ministry or volunteer to help in any way at the Church ask your husband first. Submit that vision you have to your husband, he is your spiritual head. To go off with the vision without his blessing is to be running around town without a head. If the vision is genuinely from God your husband will support it wholeheartedly, for God is not the Author of confusion, He will defend whatever He authors. When I told my husband about the vision the Lord gave me concerning Family Life and the Newsletter publication; he supported me wholeheartedly and gave me his blessing. In fact he is my Editor in Chief; I do the writing but he still find time from his busy schedule to edit every issue of the newsletter published by us. Because I have the support of my spiritual head it will be difficult for the devil to kill the vision or use the vision to destroy my marriage.
Serve in whatever capacity you can. You are to serve with a grateful heart to the Lord. No service is too menial for you to do for the Lord. You can sweep, sing, evangelise, etc. Whatever your hands and heart leads to do, do as unto the Lord. The Master needs the open hands, the willing feet and the praying heart.
As we put these seven perfect pillars together in their proper place, may the Lord transform our houses into homes where all the Christian graces are available in abundance Gal 5:22-23 May our homes become city of refuge to our loved ones and a place of comfort for all the Lord will bring our way in Jesus Name. Amen.
- Can You Have A Good Marriage Without God’s Wisdom? (yourgodmoments.wordpress.com)
- Homemaking in the 1950s and Now (littleowlski.wordpress.com)
You will probably have heard the story of “The Beauty and the Beast.” A young man who is pampered in his youth becomes increasingly arrogant and demanding as he grows older. Eventually, a wicked witch cast a spell on him transforming him into a beast as a punishment for his arrogance. His only hope for release was to be truly loved by a maiden; a seemingly impossible achievement. In his frustration he demanded to be loved, but his beastly behavior only drives people farther away until he was totally alone and isolated from the world of human beings. A woman saw something of value in the beast and begins to love him. That love transformed him back into a man and not just the man he was before, but a new, changed man. How could she have loved him as fearsome as he was? It’s a mystery, but it illustrates the power of a woman’s love.
Marriage is intended to be redemptive for both men and women. God has given women the privilege and the ability to bring life to our husbands with our love. Women have enormous power with men, which can be use for good or evil.
Consider these three examples from the Scripture:
The power of Delilah with Samson. Samson could take on an army of warriors, but he surrendered to the charms of one woman.
King David, who faced and felled a nine-foot Goliath, yet fell under the spell of Bathsheba. David was so obsessed, he was drawn away from his God into immorality, lies, and ultimately murder.
Solomon, who ruled over the golden years of Israel, but was captivated by the power of women. He became the first man to have seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines as stated in the Scriptures. Incredible!
A woman’s power over men has not lessened since those biblical days. Today, the advertising industry exploits this power in order to sell everything from cars to toothpaste. Magazines, billboards, posters, and store windows use attractive women, seductive women, and blatant sexual images to catch a man’s glance and capture his attention.
Every day men walk away from wives, children, friends, parents, siblings; risking career and reputation. For what? Another woman.
In the Middle East, young men and teenage boys willingly become human bombs, causing endless grief to thousands. For what? The promise of seventy-two beautiful virgins in paradise.
Female attraction can be deadly. But death was not our Designer’s intention. Feminine power was intended to give life. Eve (whose name means Life giver), was designed to complete her Adam, to nurture life in him and to create new life in children.
Many wives do not understand how profound this power is. God has blessed you with a feminine ability that you can use for good in your husband’s life. God has plans for your man. He wants to use you to grow him into a godly man. Your power can meet his loneliness and his companionship needs, affirm his sexual identity, protect him from temptation, and keep him for life.
Meet His Companionship Need
Something is missing in every man. And it’s by divine design. After God created Adam, He said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18). It’s an amazing truth that the perfect God of the universe created a perfect human being and then declared, “It is not good.” Man was incomplete in the sense that he was lonely. God orchestrated the perfect arrangement for His grand finale of creation: a woman, the “helper suitable for him.” It is still true since “in the beginning” in Genesis, a wife makes a man complete and whole.
Your husband has this same “loneliness” need.
God brought you into his life to be his “helper” to meet his need for a companion. In Christian marriage, this oneness is a unity of mind, body, and soul, and is celebrated through the sexual union.
Lest we women feel somehow superior that we are not needy. We are! We are incomplete without our husbands. We need our husbands to help us become who God designed us to be. Neither the man nor the woman can stand alone; as mentioned above, God’s Word makes it very clear “it is not good that man should be alone.” Women must think as God instructs them to in the Bible about their men, themselves and their marriages.
Of course, now after the fall of mankind, no one is totally complete without the indwelling presence of Jesus Christ. Moreover, perfect completeness cannot occur on earth, we will only attain this in Heaven. But in marriage we can touch the holiness of God; we can recapture a taste of what was lost in the Garden of Eden when a husband and a wife express love, transparency, trust, and sacrifice in the mystery of marital intercourse.
Bless His Sexuality
When God made a man to be attracted to a woman, He had multiple purposes in mind. Adam’s loneliness need was not just for a companion. He needed Eve for the joy of finding pleasure in her total person; body, soul, and spirit and for the affirmation and blessing of his identity as a man that come through her love for him. Gen 2:25 says, “. . . and the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” As a result, every wife has a deep, life-altering responsibility to her husband to be a helper, and help him feel like the man God created him to be. If I love my husband, I won’t view his sexual needs disapprovingly. Since all men are created with a loneliness need, they journey from boyhood into manhood needing to know that their manliness is good and positive. Humanly speaking, this is a question that only his wife should answer a blessing only she should give.
Protect Your Husband from Temptation
You have the power to protect your husband from temptation by making sure his sexual needs are met by you and you alone. Look at it this way: “If you don’t want to do his laundry, your husband can take his clothes to the cleaners. If you decide you don’t want to cook anymore for him, he can go out to any number of great restaurants to eat. But if your husband isn’t getting his sexual needs met at home with you, and he goes somewhere else, God calls that a sin.” Don’t misunderstand what I’m saying. If your husband sins in this way, he’s responsible before God. But at the same time, understand that you play a powerful role in helping him not to yield to temptation. God created us as men and women with overwhelmingly inbuilt differences. If you love him, you’ll want to protect him from the limitless temptations that the enemy of his soul floats by him day after day. You are most powerful as a wife when you become a student of what your husband likes and then use that knowledge and your feminine skill to protect him from temptation and sin.
Keep Him for Life
When we stated our vows at the wedding altar, most of us repeated the words “to have and to hold” and “till death do us part.” We signed up for life. But have you ever thought about what it means to “have” and “hold” your husband?
To have implies a possession. It means he belongs to you and no one else. He is your responsibility, and you are his. Are you fulfilling your sexual responsibility? For frequency? Creativity? Have you turned him down more often than you have invited his love? Do you put his needs before or after those of your children or your work?
To hold means to keep or bond, much like a magnet. A magnet has the power within to pull another polar opposite to itself. My husband and I are virtual opposites in nearly every way. It’s what attracted us to each other in the first place. But I must continue to be a magnet in his life if I am to keep him. Too many women would love to have him if I let him leave home for work or travel constantly in a state of sexual deprivation. 1Cor 7:5 (NKJV) tells us, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to . . . prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
This may come as no surprise to you, but most men want—really want—their wives to passionately desire them. And when you express sexual longing for him—whether verbally or nonverbally—your husband is unlikely to refuse your magnetic power. The more a wife affirms her husband’s God-given manhood, the more she helps build him into the man God wants him to be. This power of a wife to affirm him, bless him, protect him, and keep him is blessed by God. It is a very good, nurturing, life-giving gift. Knowing this, I’ve often wondered why we women don’t want or choose to use our God-given powers to affirm and nurture our husbands more often.
This power you and I have as wives is blessed by God. It is a very good, life-giving thing. The question remains: What will you do about this power you possess? Are you going to put it to death, bury it, deny it, or will you choose to exercise your sexual power to create a soul-satisfying confidence in your man?
May the Lord give you the wisdom and understanding to use your feminine power positively to the glory of God. Amen.
- Biblical Women in God’s Design for Mankind. (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- Christian Couples- Unity of Place of Worship (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- Husbands and Wives (jemtree.wordpress.com)
As Christian couples we are called to walk in unity of heart and purpose with our spouses. The issue of the place of worship is one of such areas we must agree to walk together in unity.
Amos 3:3 says “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” In Amos’s question the word “together” means to walk as a unit, as one. Two people walk to the same destination at the same pace and with the same rhythm. They also must have “agreed” to take the walk of unity, as a unit with oneness.
Gen 2:24 tells us God created man and woman to become “one flesh” when they marry, not two separate beings who go their own separate ways.
There is a unity in marriage which is unique and holy. The moment you agree to marry each other, you are both agreeing to have one mind, one purpose, one desire etc. Your coming together is expected to bring completeness to each other in the areas of your deficiencies.
There is one area of unity in which the devil has been attacking Christian marriages. It is in the area of place of worship. In the course of counseling couples, I have been asked this question. Is it wrong for a Christian couple to attend separate churches?
You see married couples attending separate churches from their spouse is a situation that is more common than one might think. It is common for the children of such couples to be divided between the two churches, thereby creating a division in the family that is not healthy for the growth of that family.
In order to determine whether or not it is “wrong” for husband and wife to attend separate churches, we must first look at marriage as a relationship instituted by God.
What was God’s intention for establishing the marriage institution?
We will start from the very beginning. The Book of Genesis gave us an account of how God created the world and His purposes and desires which every creature is expected to fulfill.
He created man for the sole purpose of fellowship; after creating Adam, there was no playmate for Adam among the animals that will satisfy that desire of fellowship that God created in him. God had to create Eve and they (Adam & Eve) became one flesh Gen2: 18-24.
They were expected to fellowship together, plan and take decisions together and not to live separately. The entrance of sin brought an end to this beautiful desire of God. From that time everyone went his separate ways. Husbands and wives lost that divine seed of fellowship and oneness that God put in them at creation.
This was the order of the day among the children of Israel of old, husbands and wives involved in separate worship Hos 2:1-13. The same thing is still happening today, couples involved in separate worship.
With the coming of Jesus Christ, we were redeemed from sin and the seed of fellowship was restored back to us through the finished work on the Cross.
Moreover, marriage is the picture of Christ and His Church (Believers) as described in Eph 5:31-32. The marriage covenant between a man and a woman is symbolic of the covenant between Christ and those for whom He died. His is an everlasting covenant and one that is holy and sacred, just as marriage is to be holy, sacred and unbroken. This unity of two people into one reaches its most sacred in the spiritual realm, where the two are to be of one mind regarding the basic doctrines of Christianity; God, Christ, sin, salvation, heaven/hell, etc. This unity of understanding through the ministry of the Holy Spirit unites husband and wife in a bond unlike any other on earth.
While it’s possible for husband and wife to have differing tastes as far as music, preaching or worship styles, children’s programs, etc., none of these things are significant enough to break up the family into two parts so they can attend different churches based on tastes.
It is clear that if both churches are Bible-based and Christ-honoring, there is no reason why one spouse can’t bend a little and put his/her personal preferences aside. An even better alternative is for the couple to join together to seek a church, where the Word of God is preached as the only source for faith and practice. Where the entire family can learn the true gospel of Jesus Christ and fellowship with like-minded believers. In this, the husband as the spiritual head of the family should take the lead and make the final decision, lovingly taking his wife’s input into consideration.
This issue of common place of worship between married couples is a problem that cut across religion and ethnic groups.
Sadly, the two church family situations have continued to be a problem among Christian believers (purchased by the Precious Blood of Jesus). It is a shame that, we who are expected to show the world the true meaning of fellowship and unity in marriage are not practicing what we profess.
Matt 5:14 says “we are the light of the world, a city set on the hill that cannot be hidden”. Other religions are to take example from us on how to rule their affairs and their homes.
By the time the man of the house wakes up to his spiritual responsibility as the Priest of his house and prayerfully seeks the face of the Lord concerning the mind of God for his family’s place of worship, the issue of two church family will become a thing of the past.
The problem of two-church family is most common in marriages, where the couple is raised in different denominations with different doctrinal positions. The Bible tells us that a man (woman) shall leave his/her father and mother and they shall become “one flesh”. This means apart from physically leaving your parents homes to become married to each other; you are to leave behind denominational and doctrinal differences and prayerfully adopt the worship center God has ordained for you as a couple.
Without mixing words, in the issue of the church where you should worship as a married couple, the wife must worship where her husband worships for the sake of peace, harmony and unity of the home.
This is why Apostle Paul admonished us not to be unequally yoked 2Cor6:14-16, it is very dangerous for a bible believing young lady to be yoked together in marriage with a non bible believing young man or someone with different doctrinal position from her own.
Once she marries such a man, she is expected to believe what he believes!!!
Two people entrenched in their different doctrinal positions often find it difficult to compromise and reconcile, a couple in such situation may be forced to attend different churches, especially if one or both spouses consider the other spouse’s beliefs to be unbiblical.
If you find yourself in such situation in marriage, there is hope, for with God all things are possible Matt19:26. Both spouses should commit to prayer that the truth is revealed and spiritual unity be achieved.
Let’s not deceive ourselves, doctrinal conflicts must be resolved in a marriage before true unity can be achieved.
The benefits of a couple worshipping together in the same church cannot be overemphasized.
Below are some of the benefits of worshipping in the same church as a family.
1. You and your family have the same spiritual covering.
2. Have a common spiritual base from where you can launch attacks on the enemy of your soul and home.
3. Feed from the same spiritual table.
4. Enjoy spiritual unity, such that the enemy cannot penetrate your home Matt18:19.
5. Have opportunity of building a relationship with other believers with like minds, thereby having common spiritual friends.
6. Your children enjoy the fellowship of other children whose parents are also members of the church.
In any way the enemy has been cheating you of the benefits of worshipping together in the same church as a family, I pray that the Almighty God will intervene in your affairs and give you the desire of your heart in Jesus Name. Amen.
- Worship in Marriage (yahwehssong.com)
It is with great joy and gratitude to God that I welcome you to the Blog The Lighthouse.
You may want to ask what a lighthouse is and who is the Lighthouse?
The Webster dictionary defines a lighthouse as a tall permanent structure equipped with a usually revolving beacon light giving a signal to warn ships at night or in fog of the proximity of rocks, shores etc.
A light house can also be defined as a distinctive structure built on or near a shore which exhibits a light of distinctive characteristic to serve as an aid to navigation.
Spiritually as we journey through the sea of life we need a tall permanent structure equipped with distinctive light to warn us of imminent dangers, potholes, pitfalls etc on the way, a beacon of light to show us the way.
Jesus is our Lighthouse, He knows the way, the charts and maps for our journey is in His Hands Jn12:46, Jn14:6, as we turn to Him for guidance and protection we will not be drowned in the torrent of the waves and storms of life.
This blog is birthed by the Holy Spirit as a resource for teaching the undiluted word of God which is a lamp unto our feet Ps 119:105, as we navigate through the sea of life in our marriages and family life with the sole purpose of producing a blemish free family system that will be the envy of our world.
This is going to be a blog which will be teaching on all aspects of the family system.
- Singles and Dating
- Single Parenting
So whether you are tossing and turning in a sea of trouble or you are sailing smoothly ahead, we believe there is only One True Light Jesus who is fully capable of leading safely to harbor.
This blog is inspired by the Holy Spirit to point us to Him as He leads us safely to a blissful marriage and happy family life.
Beloved, darkness is nothing more than the absence of light, when light comes it fills the darkness and illuminates our way Jn1:5.
As the Captain of a ship nears the vicinity of the lighthouse, he grows stronger and more confident. He knows that very soon the light from the lighthouse will fill the darkness before him and guide him to safety. He knows the light will be there and he can depend on it.
Are you having trouble finding your way in the darkness of life?
Walk towards the light of God’s Word and Presence. He may choose not to answer every question but He will fill the darkness of your life with light so that you can walk confidently and without fear. Put your trust in God. He promised that He will always be there. You can depend on Him.
Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever He never changes but He can change your life story. He can take you from where you are now in your marital life to where you ought to be.
Don’t let the challenges you face today in your marital life take your eyes away from the Lighthouse that is your only source of True light in this murky waters of life.
Sit back and enjoy a glorious journey with the Holy Spirit as He navigates us through the sea of life beaming the Great Searchlight of the Spirit on all the dark areas of our family life.
Jesus said “I am the Light of the world whosoever believes in me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life” Jn8:12
A lighthouse stands alone. Its greatness towers over tormenting waters and rocks of destructive power. Its beacon shines through black night to each oncoming vessel.
The Lord is the LIGHTHOUSE in the lives of each Christian. The life of a Christian travels like the ship through waves of trials and rocks of tribulations. The beacon of light is the Word of God, directing each ship to a worthier, safer place. Current from raging waters tempts each ship to turn away from the light and travel recklessly through the blackness of night towards ultimate destruction. This temptation can only be overcome by putting complete faith in the Lord’s beacon and allowing Him to be the Captain of the Christian soul.
Ponder and Meditate on these Scriptures:
Matt5:14-16, Jn12:46, Jn14:6
Highlights on the Ministry:
Lighthouse Family Life Help line Ministry believes that the family (as God has ordained it to be—man, woman and children) is under attack from every direction. These attacks must be countered with relative efforts from the Body of Christ in the areas of teaching, support, prayer and discipleship if there is to be a legacy of faith to hand down to the next generation.
And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise the foundations of many generations and thou shalt be called The repairer of the breach, The restorer of the path to dwell in.
Marriages and families are broken down and lay in waste.
Men and women around the globe want to know how to strengthen their marriages and raise godly children.
Lighthouse Family life Helpline Ministry is therefore committed to effectively developing godly families that change the world one home at a time.
Our mission is to serve as a resource in motivating and equipping families and people (of all cultures):
- To glorify God
- Make Christ known
- Be used by God in a Family Revival and Reformation
Our goal is to effectively develop godly families by:
- Teaching God’s blueprints for the family.
- Providing practical, biblical resources on marriage and parenting.
- Mobilizing and motivating people to impact others for Christ.
- Enter into a new life of family and marital bliss such as you have never experienced before.
- Arise shine for your light is come, your days of groping in the dark in your family life has come to an end.
- You will no longer walk in darkness for the Lighthouse Himself will guide your ship to safe anchor.
- It is your season of the manifestations of the promises of God in your life and family.
- Your wilderness experience in your family life ends today in the precious Name of Jesus Christ Amen.
- The lighthouse (abundantlygreen.wordpress.com)
- The Bolivar Lighthouse (kay.gracebythesea.net)
- a Lighthouse for the sojourner (refusingtotiptoe.com)
- Lost at sea (prodigalnomore.wordpress.com)