Money is one of the major causes of friction in a marriage, because we live in a world in which we are constantly worried about taking care of ourselves. It’s easy to forget that marriage is a commitment to forge a new life with another person. The lack of trust emerging from society has created prenuptial agreements and separate bank accounts. These undermine the commitment to a shared life with a spouse and are contrary to biblical teachings. Whenever financial issues begin to get out of hand in a marriage, the first thing to do is to pray about them. There is no substitute for God‘s answer. Secondly, you might try talking to a marriage counselor or your pastor, who with the help of the Holy Spirit will help you resolve issues diplomatically. God’s Word says, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh” Gen 2:24. In Matt 19:6, our Lord Jesus says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.”
God’s Minimum Financial Standards for Couples.
The Word of God has basic principles that govern every aspect of marriage, including finances.
Although these biblical principles are in contrast with the world’s ideas about money, when couples dedicate themselves to living by God’s principles they will avoid many potential financial problems. God requires minimum financial standards of finance in marriage for His people. If couples establish these minimum standards and decide to make them an essential part of their financial management, they will, without a doubt, lay a strong foundation for a healthy and balanced marriage.
The following are four primary minimum standards of finance found in God’s Word that all couples are encouraged to adopt.
(A) God owns everything.
“For we brought nothing into the world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out”
1 Tim 6:7.
Once couples accept the fact that God owns everything and that they have been chosen to be stewards or managers of God’s property, it’s important for them to manage it according to His principles and standards. It’s how we faithfully manage what He has given us that will determine whether He will give us greater things to manage Matt 25:23. So, since in a marriage husband and wife are one, the financial assets and incomes of both husband and wife should be merged and they should operate from a unified financial management base, rather than from a separate and independent management base.
(B) Think ahead and avoid problems.
“For which one of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and count the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?”
Too often couples put off planning until they are so deeply in debt that it seems impossible to get out. By then it is too late to plan, except for crisis planning. Couples need to begin planning by writing down their goals and objectives, which should include a yearly balanced budget. These goals and objectives need to be reviewed yearly. Obviously one of the first goals is to avoid financial bondage by staying out of additional debt and committing to pay off existing debt. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they shouldn’t borrow, but borrowing to buy consumables, such as gifts, vacations, and clothes, should be avoided. This type of credit debt will put a couple into insurmountable debt faster than they can pay themselves out of it.
(C) Keep good records. “By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches”
It is impossible for couples to have their finances under control unless they understand the basics of good bookkeeping. Recently it was discovered that less than two out of 10 couples know how to actually balance their checkbooks. This means that many married couples seldom know how much money they have to spend or how much they are spending. Couples should develop their financial plans and work together, but there should be only one bookkeeper in the home who pays the bills. Two bookkeepers invite bookkeeping disaster.
“The simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps”
Most financially naive couples are not stupid regarding money; they are just ignorant and do not understand how borrowing and interest rates work. As a result, their primary concern becomes “How much are the monthly payments?” rather than “How much is this going to cost ultimately?” In addition, many times the naive people borrow more money than they can repay because they have no budget. In essence, they have no idea where their money goes each month or how much credit their income can support. Couples need to learn financial management and budgeting and use that information to avoid debt or financial problems.
God’s Word provides standards for managing money that is essential for marital unity. If couples study these biblical principles, learn them and put them into practice in their marriages, and adhere to these standards no matter how tempted they are to adopt the world’s standards, their marriages will be strong and will remain sound.
- Wealthy With Kids And About To Get Hitched? Don’t Get Hit With This Massive Tax (businessinsider.com)
- Managing The Marriage Purse: The Newlyweds Guide to Financial Mastery (mlmww.com)
Bitterness is a silent killer of life and destroyer of marital destiny. Many marriages have been destroyed because one partner decided to harbour bitterness against the other. Bitterness is an unnecessary weight, it is deadly.It stores itself in the soul, and slowly poisons the one who carries it. It’s a blade meant for another that eventually severs the hand that tightly conceals it. Take a look at this setting and see what bitterness can do to your marital relationship: The problems with your spouse are real, and your anger is justified. However, what keep your marriage from healing are not only the problems your spouse has to overcome, but also the prideful bitterness you guard in your heart. Little by little, day by day, you have allowed this bitterness to poison you. Your spouse does something disappointing, instead of confronting the problem, you silently hold it against him/her. He/she continues to make the same mistakes, and you continue to harbor your resentment. This pattern goes on for years and the love you once felt for your spouse goes numbed and your heart becomes hardened. Eventually the marriage breaks up and you blame it on your spouse and the devil. You spend the rest of your life miserable and extremely bitter. This could have been avoided if you have chosen the part of forgiveness.
What causes Bitterness?
In every marriage, husband or wife does something that hurts the other. It’s bound to happen because none of us is perfect. And in some cases, a spouse has a habit of doing the same thing over and over again, even after the behavior is confronted. Bitterness comes when you hold on to hurt and refuse to forgive the person that hurt you. Most of the time, this comes as a result of ongoing actions of a small nature for example, lack of understanding, misuse of finances, harsh comments etc that build up over time. Each offense takes residence in the heart, and at some point there is no more room left to take in more. That’s when bitterness is manifested and causes the most damage.
What’s Wrong With Bitterness?
A hardened heart can cause a lot of pain. Here are three reasons why bitterness should be removed from your heart as soon as possible:
#1. Bitterness harbors unforgiveness. You may feel justified in your anger. You may think that your spouse doesn’t deserve your forgiveness until he/she straightens him/herself out. But have you forgotten the mercy that Jesus had for you? Rom 5:8 tells us that Christ died for us while we were yet sinners. By God’s grace, He didn’t wait for us to “get our acts together” before He provided a way for forgiveness. He gave it to us freely even when we didn’t deserve it. On the Cross of Calvary, when Jesus was to be crucified for the sin of the world, He prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Lk 23:34). If forgiveness is given freely to us, how much more should we give it to our spouses? Not only should you desire forgiveness simply because it was given so freely to you, but also, the Bible tells us that there are consequences for unforgiveness. Jesus said, “If you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt 6:14-15). Seek forgiveness not only for the sake of your spouse, but also for yourself. I wonder how many hurting marriages would be healed if Christian husbands and wives learned to love “mercy” as much as they love “justice”?
#2. Bitterness doesn’t give your spouse a chance to repent. If you’ve been suppressing your hurt, your spouse may not even know he/she has offended you. Bitterness often comes from hurt that has been suppressed without communication, like filling up a bottle with pressure eventually that bottle will explode. In the same way, the outburst in your heart can result in a broken marriage, and your spouse never even saw it coming. If that is the case, go ahead and tell your spouse what’s been bothering you. Sit down and try to work it out. Perhaps, your spouse does know of your unhappiness, but he/she chooses to continue in the same patterns. This does not negate your responsibility to remove the bitterness from your heart. You still need to give him/her the chance to repent, although stronger measures, such as, marriage counseling may need to take place. You may ask, “How many times does my spouse have to do something before I’m justified in my bitterness?” In Matt18:21-22, Peter asked Jesus how many times he needed to forgive someone, even questioning as many as seven times. But Jesus said, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” No matter how many times your spouse may do something, you are still responsible to forgive him/her.
#3. Bitterness spreads. Have you ever seen a piece of stale bread? It appears that there is only one ruined area, but if you looked at the bread through a microscope, you would see long roots spreading throughout the slice. What appears on the surface doesn’t reflect what’s really happening below. Bitterness grows the same way. One little bit of bitterness can start to spread throughout your heart, and contaminate your whole body. It will start to manifest itself in your attitude, character, and even your health. In addition, the spreading can also affect your children and your family. Have you ever noticed how one person’s criticism makes everyone else critical, too? It’s the same with bitterness. Paul compares it to yeast when he writes, “A little leaven, leavens the whole lump” (Gal 5:6). When you bring bitterness into your life it extends to your family, your brethren in the church and everyone else who is involved in your life.
Getting Rid of Bitterness
You may feel like there is little hope left for your marriage relationship. You may be so full of bitterness that you’ve convinced yourself that your marriage could never be healed, but let me assure you that the healing must begin with yourself. With God, all things are possible (Matt 19:26).
Here are four steps to take to begin your healing from bitterness.
#1. Confess your bitterness as a sin. It’s so easy to justify our attitude when we’ve been hurt, but the Bible teaches that bitterness is a sin.
Heb12:14-15 says, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness without which no one will see the Lord. Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many are defiled.” You must seek peace with your spouse and the grace to forgive.
#2. Ask for God’s strength to forgive your spouse and diligently seek that forgiveness. In Eph4:31-32, Paul exhorts us to “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” It’s hard to be tender-hearted to a spouse who has hurt you, but it is possible. We have the power to forgive because Christ forgave us, and He gives us strength through the Holy Spirit (Col2:9-11).
#3. Make a list of your hurts and find a time to talk to your spouse about it. After you’ve made your list, pray about which things you can let go. You may want to physically scratch off each one that you can forgive as an act of faith. Then for those transgressions that are left, ask God to give you the strength to talk to your spouse about them. Before talking to your spouse, let him/her know that you plan to set aside some undistracted time for you to talk about some issues. As you talk, keep the discussion productive. Start by confessing your own sins to him/her. Then talk to him/her about your hurts. Don’t just dump all your irritations and criticisms on him/her, but speak in love with gentleness and rationale. Once you begin, your spouse may deny his/her behavior or even become irritated. But the object of the discussion is to expose the wounds, not to accuse. Keep love the main motivator of your communication.
#4. Worry about changing yourself, not your spouse. You cannot change your spouse only God can. But what you can do is allow God to change your heart. If you have a log of bitterness in your own eye, how can you take the speck out of your spouse’s eye? (Matt 7:3). You, too, have made choices in this relationship that have hurt your spouse and need to be mended. Even though your spouse’s sin goes unresolved for now, he/she will answer for them one day before God (Matt10:26). In the same way, God will hold you responsible for the bitterness in your heart.
May the love of Christ reign supreme in your heart as you take the bold step towards your healing from all forms of bitterness in your heart.
It is well with your home in Jesus Name. Amen.
Few couples like to admit it, but conflict is common to all marriages. I have had my own share of conflict in marriage. I can easily write a book on what not to do!
Take a look at this scenario: Start with two self centered people with different backgrounds and personalities. Now add some bad habits and interesting character traits, throw in a bunch of expectations, and then turn up the heat a little with the daily trials of life. Guess what? You are bound to have conflict. It’s unavoidable. Since every marriage has its tensions, it isn’t a question of avoiding them but how you deal with them. Conflict can lead to a process that develops unity or isolation. You and your partner must choose how you will act when conflict occurs.
How do You Successfully Handle Conflict When it Occurs?
#1. Resolving conflict requires knowing, accepting, and adjusting to your differences.
One reason why we have conflict in marriage is that opposite attracts. It’s strange but that’s part of the reason why you married who you did. Your spouse added a variety, spice, and difference to your life that it didn’t have before. But after being married for a while (sometimes a short while), those attractions become repellents. You may argue over small irritations such as how to properly squeeze a tube of toothpaste or over major philosophical differences in handling finances or raising children. You may find that your backgrounds and your personalities are so different, that you wonder how and why God placed you too together in the first place. It’s important to understand these differences, accept and adjust to them. Just as Adam accepted God’s gift of Eve, you are called to accept His Gift to you. God gave you a spouse who completes you in ways you haven’t even learned yet.
#2. Resolving conflict requires defeating selfishness.
All of our differences are magnified in marriage because they feed what is undoubtedly the biggest source of our conflict; our selfish, sinful nature. What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. Jas4:1-2 (NIV). This is the heart of what makes our conflict ugly, our sin and selfishness focuses us on our own agenda. The answer for ending selfishness is found in Jesus and His teachings. He showed us that instead of wanting to be first, we must be willing to be last. In place of wanting to be served, we must serve, instead of trying to save our lives, we must lose them. We must love our neighbors (our spouses) as much as we love ourselves. In short, if we want to defeat selfishness, we must give up, give in, and give all. To experience unity, you must give up your will for the will of another. But to do this, you must first give up your will to Christ, and then you will find it possible to give up your will for that of your mate.
#3. Resolving conflict requires loving confrontation.
Confronting your spouse with grace and tactfulness requires wisdom, patience, and humility. Here are a few tips you will find useful:
Check your motives: Will your words help or hurt? Will bringing this up cause healing, wholeness, and oneness, or further isolation?
Check your attitude: Loving confrontation says, “I care about you. I respect you and I want you to respect me. I want to know how you feel.” Don’t hop on your bulldozer and run your partner down. Don’t pull up with your garbage truck and start unloading all the garbage you’ve been saving. Approach your partner lovingly.
Check the circumstances: This includes timing, location, and setting. Don’t confront your spouse, for example, when he/she is tired from a hard day’s work or in the middle of settling a dispute between the children.
Check to see what other pressures may be present: Be sensitive. What are the issues going on in your spouse’s life right now?
During the discussion, stick to one issue at a time: Don’t bring up several. Don’t save up a series of complaints and let your spouse have them all at once.
Focus on the problem, rather than the person: For example, you need a budget and your mate is something of a spendthrift. Work through the plans for finances and make the lack of budget the enemy, not your mate.
Focus on the facts rather than being judgmental: If your partner forgets to make an important call, deal with the consequences of what you both have to do next rather than say, “You’re so careless; you just do things to irritate me; you are useless and good for nothing.”
Above all, focus on understanding your spouse rather than on who is winning or losing. When your spouse confronts you, listen carefully to what is said and what isn’t said. It may be that he is upset about something that happened at work and you’re getting nothing more than the brunt of that pressure. In other words, you are not the problem and all your spouse is trying to do is express some pent-up frustrations and feelings.
#4. Resolving conflict requires forgiveness
No matter how hard two people try to love and please each other, they will encounter challenges. With these challenges comes hurt. And the only ultimate relief for hurt is the soothing balm of forgiveness.
The key to maintaining an open, intimate, and happy marriage is to ask for and grant forgiveness quickly. And the ability to do that is tied to each individual’s relationship with God. Concerning the process of forgiveness, Jesus said, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if ye do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt6:14–15). The instruction is clear: God insists that we are to be forgivers, and marriage probably more than any other relationship presents frequent opportunities to practice. Forgiving means giving up resentment and the desire to punish. By an act of your will, you let the other person off the hook. And as a Christian you do not do this under duress, scratching and screaming in protest. Rather, you do it with a gentle spirit and love, as Paul urged: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Eph4:32).
As difficult as it is to work through conflict in marriage, we can claim God’s promises as we do so. Not only does God bless our efforts based on His Word, but He also tells us He has an ultimate purpose for our trials. 1 Pt1:6-7 tells us, “Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”
God’s purpose in our conflicts is to test our faith, to produce endurance, to refine us, and to bring glory to Himself. This is the hope He gives us that we can actually approach our conflicts as an opportunity to strengthen our faith and to glorify God.
- Top 15 Reasons Romantic Partners Fight (marriagegems.com)
Today, the word love is used very loosely by people in expressing themselves. It is used to advertise anything from toothpaste to automobiles; not much regard is given to it.
What is love? Love as defined by Oxford Dictionary is a strong feeling of deep affection for someone or something; it also defines it as having a strong affection or deep tender feelings for someone or something. The English language seems insufficient to define love adequately. But the Greek language has three words that help us define the various aspects of love. Eros love is romantic and passionate. It inspires a romantic climate in which you can express physical intimacy with your spouse. It yearns to possess the beloved (Songs of Solomon). It loves because the beloved is attractive and worthy. It cannot be sustained over a period of time unless the other forms of love accompany it. Philia love is the close friendship that cherishes the beloved. There is a mutual sharing in a best friend relationship, where each can communicate their thoughts and dreams. Philia love is reciprocal, each expects something from the other. It allows your spouse to share in your innermost feeling, that is the real you. This love also can fade. Agape love is concerned with the highest welfare of the beloved. It is an act of will and does not depend on feeling. It is unconditional, productive, sacrificial, humble, a choice and a total commitment. Since God is the source of agape love, it persists when others forms of love fades. The word of God made us to understand that love (agape), is the bedrock of all relationships Jn13:34. According to Wycliffe Bible Dictionary, “love is not a mere sentiment but a voluntary self-dedication to the point of self-slavery”. In short, love is fellowship between persons, based on acts of self– sacrifice. Such love is willed, deliberate kindness, extending even to enemies ( for whom one has no personal affection). In Matt22:37-40, Jesus told us of the great commandment whish is “to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind; and also to love your neighbor as yourself. He summed up all moral obligations in the word love, expressed in twofold direction God and neighbor. The quotation in Matt22:37 is from the Jewish Shema (Deut6:4-5) which all Jews repeated twice daily. It represents the essence of Judaism, namely that the knowledge of God precedes knowledge of oneself or of others. The Shema not only defines the Person of God in terms of His Unity, but it also defines the nature of relationship that God’s people are to have with Him and with one another. In Jn13:34-35, Jesus gave a great commandment to His disciples as His new commandment for them. This was to be the standard by which His disciples are to be known; the love of Jesus. The servant like, selfless love that Christian display towards one another witnesses to the world that they are true disciples. The issue of unity in marriage and any other relationship is love; Christ love for us and our willingness to love others as the Lord loves us. This new commandment presses us beyond our natural human inclinations to the need for Christ’s inspiration. Christ love for us is not dependent on a quality in us that makes us loveable; Christ is love, and He loves us regardless of our strength or weakness; and if we are created in His image, we also must be love. If we want to love like Him, then we must ask Him and the Holy Spirit will give us the enablement, the power to love like Jesus. We cannot do it on our own, we need His help in order to succeed. Love is not a matter of sentiment alone, but practical concern, blessing, prayer and positive wishes for wellbeing extended to friends and enemies alike. Just as God indiscriminately sends rain and sunshine upon the just and the unjust, so as Jesus disciples, we must be indiscriminate in our extension of love to friends and enemies. Jesus speaking in Matt5:48 “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect”. The emphasis in the command to “be perfect” is not on a flawless moral nature, but on an all-inclusive love that seeks the good of all. Instead of following the example of sinners who love only those who love them, we are to be like the Father in also loving those who do not love us. The Bible says “Be ye followers of God…..….; follow after that which is good Eph5:1; 1Thess5:15. As children of God, purchased by the Blood of Jesus, love is to be the guiding principle in our relationships not only with fellow believers, but with unbelievers as well. In Rom12:9-21, Paul mentions many specific duties that are to characterize transformed living, but love is the dominant note in all the exhortations. Hospitality is the fruit of a transformed, spirit filled life. It is the off shoot of love. It is showing an interest in others and giving ourselves to loving and supporting them even as God does to us Phil2:4. Leaders are to be front runners in the practice of hospitality 1Tim3:2. In Rom12:18, the scripture gave us one vital principle for living a transformed spirit filled life; because some people may remain violently opposed to us, they will reject all efforts of love towards them, there will be times when all efforts towards love fails. However, we are to make certain that we are not at fault, when peace breaks down in such relationships.
CHARATERISTICS OF LOVE.
Love suffers long. Suffer means to endure something that is not pleasant, love will feel the pain and keep on going Deut10:12; Deut6:5. It endures for long, it goes out of its way not to demand its right. You must suffer for love Jn3:16, your love for God will make you pass through the most unbearable situations.
Love is kind. Love is kind 1Cor13:4, that is caring. Kindness is an action, you exhibit kindness when you express care. You need the help of the Holy Spirit in order to express kindness to people. Kindness is a considerate act. When situation brings you in contact with satanic agents, show kindness, that is the love of God. Love them that hate you. You have the right not to show kindness to those who have done you evil, but a higher law says you must show love to them Matt5:44-48; Rom12:20-21. You remain imperfect, as long as you have shown hatred towards satanic agents. For you to have complete power over satanic agents, God has to see complete love in you.
Love is tender and temperate. Tenderness is an action, if you cannot say that an action is tender, then do not take it. Love is temperate, it is controllable. Anger is the result of a lack of control over ones emotions. Anger is a feeling of hostility, it is the opposite of love. It does not permit the manifestation of love. True love cannot get to the point of rage, which is violent anger.
Love does not retaliate. When you retaliate you have broken a principle which says “vengeance is of God”. Instead of taking vengeance ourselves, we should hand it over to God Rom12:19.
Love is not proud or boastful. To boast is to blow ones trumpet. Excessive talking about ones achievement and glory is being boastful Pr25:14. Perfect love is not proud and boastful. Any thought or speech that makes us to be exalted above others is pride and it does not show love. The manner in which you transmit what you know makes you either humble or proud.
Love is compassionate and always believes the best. When you are in love, you do not walk in suspicion. Love does not suspect. Love sees beyond the immediate circumstances and the person to compassionately relate to the lost, the hurting, the distressed, etc. Truest compassion is only found in the nature of God because only God knows the full depth of an individual’s pain, need and suffering. Christ likeness calls us to learn Jesus’ Heart of love, which is a heart of compassion, a depth of sensitivity, that can be worked in us through the Holy Spirit, reconditioning our hearts to be able to sense the pain of human bondage and weep with those who weep Heb13:1&3; Rom12:15.
Love never fails. Love does not forget, it does not lack knowledge When love lives in you and you in love, you will never lack knowledge; for love has an ability which is inherent knowledge. The people perish not only for lack of knowledge Hos4:6, but for lack of love. When the people walk in love, they will walk in knowledge. The spirit behind love is the Holy Spirit Gal5:22, which is the Spirit that knows all things Jn14:26. Love will fail, if it does not know. Anybody who loves will receive the Spirit of knowledge. The Spirit of love works hand in hand with the gift of the word of knowledge and the Spirit of knowledge.
In conclusion, we can say love is everything. Fulfillment in life, marriage and ministry can only be manifested through love. So go and love one another as Christ had loved you; for greater love has no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends Jn15:12-13. As dear Children of God walk in love Eph5:1-2.
Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself Eph5:25,28. Wives, we are seriously advised to be submissive, love our husbands and our children Titus2:4.
In marriage relationship, all three forms of love are necessary. Partners should be best friends, passionate and romantic; this is what keeps the marriage alive and vital; but the glue that holds them together is Christ like love (agape), which doggedly loves when you do not feel romantic and is friendly on those days you do not want to be anybody’s best friend.
Real love means giving and not taking; it means being vulnerable and open. Nowhere in marriage relationship, is there room for self protection or selfishness.
It is not love’s purpose to manipulate or outdo the partner. Love’s sole purpose is to build one another up. Go forth and enjoy the dividends of love.
Eccl4:9-12 “Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up. And if one prevails against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken”.
Let us concern the threefold cord that binds people together in relationships. Though the above verse is often quoted during wedding ceremonies, but it applies to all relationships. In marriage especially, the threefold cord is the husband, wife and the Holy Spirit.
The Scripture says in Mal2:15 “And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore, take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously in your relationship“. It is interesting to note that for every godly relationship, God expect godly seed. Therefore, make your friendship a healthy one based on godly principles and nothing else.
When two people enters into a relationship whether in marriage or in normal friendship, they automatically enters a covenant whether they recognize it or not.
We all know that apart from holy matrimony, there are other relationships we keep in church, office, school, family and business. In every godly relationship, there is one invisible partner (Holy Spirit) which is the cord that ties the relationship together.
When the people involved in this relationship are bound together by God’s principles and allowed the relationship to be based on God’s Word, then, the Holy Spirit which is the cord brings to bear faithfulness, forbearance, honesty, consideration, harmony, peace and joy which will culminate in open door of blessing from above.
In our society today, it is sad to note that not all relationships are bound together by God’s Spirit. It is amazing what ties or bind some people together.
Let’s take a closer look on some relationships we keep, you will discover the underlying cord. For example, two women who are against their mothers in law, their binding cord might be hate or bitterness; two employees who are against their employer might as well be joined together by a cord of unforgiveness.
Other cords that bind people together includes: womanizing, partying, prostitution, gossiping rebellion, etc… Any relationship that is not promoting the kingdom of God is certainly promoting the kingdom of darkness.
TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS
The common relationship serves to benefit oneself. These benefits may be in the form of money, glory, self—worth, rewards, etc. The relationship flourished as long as these benefits are flowing.
There is another form of friendship, which is not common. This is a relationship with no hidden agenda, it is the God’s type of relationship that flows with agape love, and it serves for the benefit of another.
We all desire this type of relationship, but very few people are willing to pay the price for this type of relationship.
Let’s consider some examples of relationships in the Scriptures.
1. Ruth and Naomi
(Ruth 1:16): Ruth and her mother in law; the cord that bound together was the cord of love, despite their cultural difference and religious background, they had undying love for each other. Pro17:17.
2. David and Jonathan (1Sam20:3-4, 16-17): King Saul knew the bond between his son Jonathan and David was a bond of love, so he kept his wicked plot against David’s life hidden from his son. Jonathan was ready to sacrifice everything for the relationship he had with David Pro18:24.
3. Daniel and his Friends (Dan2:17-19): Danger was looming over the land but Daniel and his companions decided to seek heaven’s intervention. Note they did not gather to murmur nor complain; neither did they gossip the king nor curse him. Pro15:4.
1Kgs13:18. A prophet lying to a fellow prophet.
1Kgs3:19-20. Two friends switching each other’s blessing.
Lk22:47-48. Jesus betrayed by a friend’s kiss (Judas Iscariot).
1Kgs21:10. Jezebel ordered the murder of Naboth by his kinsmen.
Acts6:10-14. Stephen murdered by the men of the synagogue
Acts23:12-14. Jews bound with an oath to destroy Paul the Apostle.
Every relationship worth having should be bound by the Spirit of God. Instead of that relationship being a weight that will lead to destruction, it should help the people involved withstand evil and a threefold cord is not easily broken.
In a nutshell, real friendships don’t just happen and they are not maintenance free.
For us to have valuable relationships we should ask ourselves some questions like: How would you describe your friendships? What is God doing in both of you, individually and together as friends? How can you help each other become all God wants you to be?
A relationship based on godly principles and sealed by the binding force of the Holy Spirit will be refreshing, peaceful and never burdensome.
Finally, Matt18:19-20 emphasizes the dynamic power available in prayer of agreement. So, let us utilize this mystery for our advantages and for the enhancement of God’s kingdom.
Let the Holy Spirit help us choose our friends and partners.
- The Priorities of a Godly Husband. (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- The Christian Marriage (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
In the last issue of the Lighthouse blog we looked at the biblical responsibilities of the husband, in this write up we shall be looking at the covenant responsibilities of the wife.
As a wife you are a crown to your husband, a crown relates to wisdom, a crown encircles the head. Wisdom, in effect, surrounds and protects the mind and bring honor to the “head” of one who has it.
When she is received as God‘s gift, the husband of a godly woman will benefit from God’s wisdom through her. The husband of such a woman will be respected in the society, the woman who cultivates her relationship with God first, then relates appropriately to her husband will powerfully influence him in every area of life.
The importance of wisdom cannot be overemphasized. The Bible has examples of women who through the wisdom of God operating in their lives saved their husbands and household from imminent destruction 1Sam25:1-35
A wise woman knows her roles in the house and she carries out her duties excellently to the glory of God Prov14:1, Prov31:10-31.
Biblical Responsibilities of the wife.
While we are all called to be help to one another, God specifically created the woman as a helpmeet for the man. You are to help your husband carry out his roles as the head of family government and also to help him become what God intended him to be. You are to be his number fan and cheerleader. Your role as a helpmeet is complementary and not competitive.
The needed help is for daily work, procreation and mutual support through companionship. You are to help make the home a safe haven for your family a place where your husband can come back and relax.
The role of the wife as a helper is likened to the role of the Holy Spirit as our divine Helper.
The Scripture says wives are to respect their husbands, when you respect your husband; you reverence him, notice him, regard him, honor him, prefer him and esteem him.
It means valuing his opinion, adoring his wisdom and character, appreciating his commitment to you and considering his needs.
Some of the primary needs most men have are as follows:
Self confidence in his personhood as a man.
To be listened to.
To be relevant in the affairs of the home.
Meeting these needs is what respecting your husband is all about. As a wife your husband needs you to bolster his confidence in himself, you are to do this by encouraging him, be behind him, believing in him and appreciating every effort he puts into making life easy for you and the children.
He also wants you to listen to him, no matter how wise you may think you are, a word of wisdom from your husband today will save you the pains and sorrows of tomorrow.
You have to make time to be there for him no matter how busy you may be; if you fail to do this he sees it as disrespect to his person.
Your husband wants to be involved in all that is happening in your life, you must show him that he is relevant and needed by you and the children. You must consider his opinion on all issues whether spiritual or physical matters.
Love Titus 2:4
Wives are called to love their husbands. A good description of the kind of love your husband needs is “unconditional acceptance”. In other words accept your husband just as he is –an imperfect person.
Love also means being committed to a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship.
Survey show that sex is one of man’s most important needs –if not the most important. When a wife resist intimacy, (is uninterested, or is only passively interested) her husband may feel rejection. It will cut at his self image, tear at him to the very centre of his Being and create isolation, which is harmful to your marriage.
Your husband’s sexual needs should be more important and higher on your priority list than household chores, projects etc. it means no matter how busy you are save some energy for him, this will help keep you from being selfish and living for your own needs (1Cor7:4-5). Maintaining this focus helps you defeat isolation in your marriage.
Just mention the word submission and many women immediately become angry and even hostile. This is because of the misunderstanding and misconception of the word.
Submission to husband does not mean the wife is inferior to her husband in any way, it does not lead to being used and abused nor does it mean blind obedience on the part of the woman. What does God have in mind? Col3:18-19 and Eph5:22-30 explains it all. Wives are to submit voluntarily to their husbands’ sensitive and loving leadership. Therefore as I voluntarily submit to my husband I am completing him, I am helping him become the man, the husband and the leader God intended him to be. Building oneness in marriage works best when both partners choose to fulfill their responsibilities voluntarily with no pressure and coercion. For your husband to become the Servant-Leader God has commanded him to be, he needs your gracious respect and submission. When he loves you the way he is commanded to, you can more easily submit yourself to that leadership. Submission becomes easy when you do it with an attitude of entrusting yourself to God 1Pt2:23. When you entrust your life to the Father, it is much easier to be the wife of an imperfect man. Particularly when you may have disagreements.
Sisters, submission to your husband is easy if you live a truly submitted life to Christ that is to live in total submission and obedience to the Word of God, knowing that submitting to your imperfect husband is obeying the word of God.
Beloved, the key to having a perfect family government is for each wife to follow God’s plans, know her part and work to fit in with her husband’s responsibilities.
God bless you, as you partner with your husband in running the affairs of your home according to God’s divine plans and purposes for your family.
Remain bless and stay focus you will surely make in marriage the devil not withstanding. The Trinity is on your side and the Hosts of Heaven are at hand to do your biddings.
It is well with you and your family.
The Grace of God over your family will not be frustrated by the enemy in Jesus Most Holy Name.
- The Woman and Her Home (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)
- Wives Submit Yourselves To Your Own Husband (theharvestprinciple.wordpress.com)
- What Does It Mean to Respect Your Husband? (acordof3strands.wordpress.com)
The Bible is very clear about this subject. God is not the Author of confusion 1Cor14:33, so in order for there to be sanity in the home, He placed every member of the home under divine roles.
The troubles we experience in the home today is largely due to our refusal to play our roles as specified by God, we have chosen to carry out our responsibilities as dictated by our fallen human spirit instead of as led by the Holy Spirit of God inside of us.
We will briefly examine the roles of both the husband and wife in a marriage as ordained by God.
Biblical Responsibilities of the Husband.
Be a Leader
The scriptures provide a clear organizational structure for a marriage 1Cor11:3 and Eph5:22-30. God placed the ultimate responsibility with respect to the household squarely on the shoulder of the husband. Being “head” does not mean male dominance, where a man lords it over a woman and demands her total obedience to his every wish and command. God never view women as second class citizens, we are all His children and are of equal value before Him.
The teaching of the New Testament clearly states that women are to be respected, revered and treated as equal with men Gal3:28. Unfortunately, many husbands have not gotten the message. They degrade their wives by neglect or with insensitive and abusive treatment.
When God presented Eve to Adam in the Garden, he received her as a gift of great value from God to him. When husbands, particularly Christian husbands do not treat their wives as a precious gift from God and helpmate, they can cause their wives to search for a way to find significance and value as persons often outside God’s will— Feminist Movement.
Are you a Leader? Men who are “natural” leaders do not have problems in their homes because they know how to take over, control, guide and get things done without using brutish force and their wives naturally respect and obey them with gladness of heart and a sense of purpose. Most husbands are not real men but mere boys, that is why they have problems of being leaders in their homes, they have need to be led themselves but if such husbands will swallow their pride and sit at the feet of the Master who is a perfect example of a Leader they will turn out as good leaders.
Love your Wife Unconditionally
Your unconditional acceptance of your wife is not based upon her performance, but on her worth as God’s gift to you. If you want to love your wife unconditionally always be sure her emotional tank is full. One of the best ways to do this is to affirm her constantly, let her know verbally that you value her, respect her and love her.
Words and actions are vehicles for expressing love 1Jn3:18. One of the missing ingredients in male leadership in the home is sacrificial action.
When was the last time you gave up something for your wife— something you genuinely valued like a time out with the boys, a hobby etc? Sometimes you need to give up something you enjoy so your wife can have a break and see your love for her.
Serve your Wife
According to New Testament, being head of your wife does not mean being her master but her servant Matt20:27-28—Christ our role model for this type of leadership.
Christ, the Head of the Church, took on the very nature of a servant when He was made in human likeness Phil2:7.
One of the best ways to serve your wife is to understand her needs and try to meet them.
Do you know what your wife’s top three needs are right now? What is she worried about? What troubles her? What type of pressure does she feel? Learn the answers to these questions and then do what you can to reduce her worries, her troubles and her pressures.
What do you know about your wife’s hopes and dreams? Are you cultivating her gifts?
Another way to serve your wife is to provide for her that is by first assuming responsibility for meeting the material needs of the family 1Tim5:8.
Providing for her also means taking the initiative in helping meet her spiritual needs. You do this by modeling godly character, by praying with her, spending time together in God’s Word and by looking for ways to encourage her spiritually.
To be a leader, a lover and a servant is to accommodate into your life the gift God has given you— your wife.
Give up your life for hers and at the Judgment Seat of Christ, He will say “Well done thou good and faithful servant”.
May the Lord help us to meet His Standard for our lives that on the Day of Reckoning we will not be found wanting in respect of our responsibilities towards our spouses.
- The Christian Marriage (covenantfamilyaffairs.wordpress.com)